Holiday Thriving versus Surviving!

We all need a guide.  The first thing is to really be ready to be related with the people that you’re there with, and out to cause something extraordinary with people.  We can have all the dinners, we can have all the decorations, and gift-giving and receiving but really what’s at the heart of a great holiday, no matter how great the food was, how beautiful the decorations were, what makes or breaks a holiday is the relationships we have with people and whether we enjoy the people or not.  So what we really want to focus on is how to really have extraordinary relationships with the people we’re with, whoever we’re spending the holidays with. You may ask yourself, “How do you do that when you don’t even want to go?”

I had that experience myself once at a birthday party.  I was invited someplace, rather obligated to go just because of all the different circumstances, a place I really didn’t want to go.  Here’s what I resolved for myself.  As I was going there, I said, "Okay.  You’re going to have a better time than you think you can have," and then I rang the doorbell and walked in the door with that commitment in place, like really, "Okay," and when I walked in the door, just having committed to have a better time that I thought I could have, and I ended up meeting new people that were instrumental to my future! It was great!

I think every time we go someplace, we have a preconceived notion of how good it’s going to be.  We have a preconceived notion of how enjoyable it’s going to be.  So the first thing would be to just get committed to you’re going have a better time than you think you’re going have, and then walk in the door looking for the opportunity for that.  And if you walk in the door looking for the opportunity to have a better time than you think you’re going have, guess what?  I think you’ll find a lot of ways to do that.

My clients often ask me what to do when someone says something to you that makes you mad but you don’t want to ruin the holiday for everyone?

There are actually three things you could do but there’s only one of them that really works.  One thing you could do is argue, right?  You could.  Somebody says something that makes you mad, and you just want to – you just can hardly stand it.  You just so want to let them know that what they said was wrong. You could come back with your best, best, best answer that really proves how wrong they are, except guess what?  You’ll end up in an argument because then they have to defend themselves and then you have to defend yourself, then they have to defend themselves, and we know where that one goes. So that doesn’t work.  Another thing people often try is to not say anything, just try to grit your teeth and grin and bear it, but you really are holding onto it and you still let it shape you, like whatever they said really does ruin your day because that’s all you’re thinking about, all you’re stewing about, and even though you’re not responding, it’s totally shaping you.  You’re succumbing to it.  That doesn’t work, either, because your day’s still ruined.

There’s a third thing you can do, which is – it sounds simple but it really is profound.  It’s just to let it go by.  Let it go.  Sometimes I imagine being a bullfighter where you just – what you don’t do with a bull, you don’t argue with it, right? Yet you don’t lay down and let it run over you.  Look at matadors. They are masters at just stepping out of the way and letting things go by.  I think sometimes we think we have to deal with everything that people say, but people say things they don’t even mean.  People say things that they didn’t intend to be upsetting, and a lot of it, especially around the holidays – I think this is all the time, but especially around the holidays.  Let some of it go by.  Just let it go by, step out of the way, and then stay right there in the conversation and just committed to what you’re committed to causing in terms of your friendship and your relationship with that person.

Now, if somebody says something that’s really irritating to you and you let it go by, how do you not let that fester? You simply have to relate to it for what it is.  It’s just something they said.

One of the things that always makes something worse is not what they say but what we have what they say mean.  So there’s a difference between what somebody says and then what it means to us.  In other words, the story we make up about what they said or the interpretation we have of what they said and it’s really important to separate those two out.  There’s what they said and then there’s what we have it mean.  And those are two different things.

I’ll give you an example, if somebody said, for instance, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Suppose there you are, you’ve got the table set, and your mother-in-law says, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Now, that’s what she said.  What somebody could and probably would have that mean is, "She doesn’t respect me, she doesn’t honor that this is my home, she never thinks anything I do is good enough for her son." Right?  On and on and on.  It could be any of those things.  Now, really, though, the statement, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," is a pretty simple statement that is just a statement about what she would’ve or wouldn’t have done, and if you can keep it for what it is, just a statement, and keep separate everything you had it mean and you’ll notice that all of the upset every bit of the upset is in actually what we have it mean, not what they actually said.

How do you appreciate someone if you’re mad at them?  Why should we appreciate someone if you’re mad at them? Why we choose to appreciate someone even if we’re mad at them is because where if we really look at relationships, when we’re satisfied in a relationship is when we love who we’re being.

We put a lot of focus on how the other person is treating us, but you know what?  Even if someone’s not treating us well, if we love who we’re being, we’re actually pretty satisfied. The opposite is also true, isn’t it?  Which is that if somebody’s being great with us but then we’re pretty cranky with them, then even them being great with us doesn’t make a difference for us because we’re still cranky.

So to really take on, even when you’re, especially when you’re mad at somebody, is to appreciate them and find something to appreciate about them at the very least. it’s really simple.  That them being there gives you an opportunity to be somebody, to be somebody you love being, gives you an opportunity to be generous or it gives you an opportunity to be loving. Even the ones that make you the maddest, those are the ones that give you the biggest opportunity to be somebody really great.

If we really study relationships, one of the things you notice is that the whole point of other people like the opportunity of people, of being with people, is that without them there, we don’t get to be somebody, and the quality of our life comes from who we get to be with people.  So it’s right there, so why appreciate somebody you’re mad at is because you’ll end up being really happy with yourself and therefore even happy with them through your own empowerment about who you are choosing to be within the circumstance.

Last week I had a client say to me, "My husband’s so controlling, how can I have a happy holiday if he tries to control everything?"

There are two things here.  If you know that about your husband, if you know, from holidays from the past, one of the things that really works is to, ahead of holidays, ask him everything that he wants so that you actually know what he wants and he has some – he gets to say what’s important to him before the holidays ever get there so that he already knows you’re committed that he gets what he wants and then at the holiday itself, I kind of always have a theory called ride the horse the way the horse is going. The more you would fight it or the more you would resist, probably the more controlling he’s going to try to be because he’s going to be fighting back then.  If you really just keep looking for it, there’s something that’s important to him, something. People only try to be controlling because there’s something important to them, and if you can just listen for and try to hear what’s really important to him and then make sure he gets it or make sure that he knows that you’re committed that he gets it, then guess what happens?  He starts paying attention to what’s important to you and that you get that as well.

Two things, again.  One is, if at all possible, before the holidays ever happen, sit down, talk about what’s going to be important to each other at the holidays and what’s going be important to your husband so that he knows that he knows in advance that you’re out to make sure he gets a really great holiday that he wants.  Then when the holiday’s happening itself, just keep trying to hear, when he’s being controlling, what is important to him and how can I make sure he knows that I’m committed that he gets that, and then I promise, it really is amazing how much then the other person starts wanting to make sure you get what you want, too.

Here’s another question I’ve been asked, "My mother-in-law doesn’t make me feel welcome.  I don’t want to go.  How do I survive that?"

One of the things there, I think is that I wouldn’t take it personally.  If the mother-in-law’s not making you feel welcome, I bet, I really would bet a lot of money, that the mother-in-law’s concerned about something you don’t even know she’s concerned about.  For instance, it may have nothing to do with you.  Maybe she’s concerned about how her house looks or maybe she’s concerned about how her food is or maybe she’s concerned about how she and her husband are getting along in front of you.  There’s a whole number of things.  Maybe your mother-in-law’s concerned about getting older.  There’s a whole number of things that she could be concerned about, and when people are concerned about something, they often don’t – aren’t able to make another person feel welcome around them. One of the first things I do is to not take it personal and would, again, just have some compassion that probably that person is concerned about something and give they’re concerned about it, they’re not having an easy time being with you.  The more you can just be at ease with them and make it safe for them to be with you, then the more they’ll be able to be at ease with you, and guess what?  Then you’ll have the experience of being welcomed.

I think we often underestimate the power of listening. Listening to people.  When you really listen to people, they get really – they’re just grateful for it.  A lot of times we think what’s important is what we say to other people.  I’ve found that that is very important, what we say is very important and we want to make sure that what we say really is always empowering of others.  On the other side of it, there’s listening to people and really listening to somebody.  I’ve always found people, I know for myself, if somebody really listens to me, I’m always grateful afterward.

Sometimes, especially if somebody’s not making you feel welcome, there’s something that they want to say or there’s something that they’ve got to say that if you could just listen to, they would be grateful that you’re there, and then, again, you’d have the experience of being really welcomed.

No matter what they’re talking about, because sometimes they talk about something that doesn’t seem important or they can be talking about the weather or sometimes they’re upset and their visibly upset.  Whatever is going on right there, if they’re talking about the weather, listen to that. If they’re talking about how the dinner’s going, listen to that.  If they’re talking about something they’re upset about, listen to that.  When I say listen, I really do mean give them your attention so that they know, and maybe even ask them questions, but even if it’s something, they just make a comment about the weather, just acknowledge that you heard them.

People also really appreciate being acknowledged for the “good” that they are. Acknowledging people for their better attributes or way of being in life actually helps them to connect to that side of themselves in the present moment and that paves a way for them to move forward in extraordinary ways allowing you to have an extraordinary and memorable experience and holiday with them.

Happy Holidays!

Your Gift From the Universe: Act Fast! Time is Running Out….

For those of you who have experienced a number of breakdowns, changes and losses this year this is an opportunity to understand what’s going on. Most, if not all of us, need to pay attention to this learning opportunity given to us in this year of 2016. If we choose to not take up on what’s being offered we will be experiencing the same things over and over again until we get it. This means the pain and suffering will also continue. No one wants pain and suffering so let’s hop aboard and receive the lesson we are to learn if we want to evolve and embrace all the truly wonderful things in life that we truly want to experience!

The 9 Year Cycle

- the end of an era -
going back to claim your future

What we call the beginning is often the end.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.
T.S. Eliot

The 9 year cycle brings you to the end of a complete nine-year cycle of your life. It is a year to complete unfinished business, reach conclusions and tie up loose ends. These actions will help you step into the next nine years of your life without the pressure of unresolved matters of the past pulling you back.

As one door closes another opens, but if you refuse to accept that certain doors really have closed, you will be unable to recognize the new possibilities. It is time to face the absolute reality of your past - and how it is impacting your present, and then decide how you want to create your future. Your reality is not just a matter of where you stand today or where you want to be tomorrow. It is made up of everything that has ever happened to you, everyone you have ever met, anything you have ever done, and any feeling you have ever felt - or denied.

Where you stand today is the result of where you have been. But before you can progress, you must release yourself emotionally, mentally, or physically, from those aspects which no longer serve a purpose and are chaining you to a point in time that no longer exists. It is time to integrate your past with the present, so that the potential of your future can be seen and felt. This is achieved by accepting the past exactly as it was and by feeling everything about it that you have been unable to feel.

A significant transformation is likely this year - alterations and improvements to all areas of your life, even though you may not immediately see the positive merits of certain situations. When the old buried emotion that is weighing you down is released, life suddenly becomes a lighter experience and is more easily understood and enjoyed. If you feel a sense of numbness or stagnation, it is because you are so close to accepting your full reality but are holding the emotions involved in, instead of expressing them out. This magnetic pressure prevents forward movement and draws you to a repeat of the very situations you would prefer to avoid. We have all been conditioned to believe that emotional expression denotes weakness and is “negative”. In fact, emotional expression is our strength, our own self-healing mechanism, our only means of freedom, and the ultimate tool of creativity.

People who refuse to accept the past spend their lives rehashing the same old situations, making the same old mistakes, unable to accept new realities, and dissatisfied with everything. They justify their unsatisfactory existence by blaming others, blaming time, blaming life itself and blaming themselves.  

Some people claim to be apart from or above the journey humanity is taking, all the time resenting that they are too afraid to be a part of it. And, because none of us has truly evolved into Free Will yet, we are all affected by these misunderstandings.

This year, it is not enough to simply have an intellectual understanding of Free Will. You will learn that your feelings are your only means of activating personal freedom. This year of endings and conclusions offers you the chance to free yourself of the erroneous beliefs that have always caused unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and stagnation. The 9 year cycle teaches you how to break free from the past by releasing your grip on it. Without this understanding, you will forever be a victim of something that once happened to you. It is time to heal.

Nothing new happens in the 9 year cycle until the necessary endings take place. The more you strive to begin something new without first releasing the old, the more resistance life will give you. If you do not make an effort to accept your emotional realities, you may find that your history will repeat itself in the next nine years.

 This is a year to go back over your life’s continuous journey and consider everything that happened to you. There will be things you don’t want to remember; memories you may be blocking from your consciousness. These are the very events and situations that need to be addressed. These are the heavy loads that are weighing on you like an anchor, preventing you from moving forward into the kind of life you desire. The more genuine intent you have to allow forgotten memories to resurface, the easier it will become to accept 9’s healing process.  

It is the sheer weight of past and present emotion that causes depression, even though we try to fool ourselves into believing that depression can be avoided by avoiding these emotions. This pretense creates deeper denial and, eventually, deeper depression. If you find yourself dwelling on certain emotions such as anger, fear, or grief to the extent that you cannot live constructively, there is a good chance you are using these emotions as an excuse for continuing to deny another emotion which is even more deeply buried. Denial is no longer an option on this Earth. It is denial that has caused many of the dire problems that humanity faces today. This applies as much to your personal life as it does to life in general.

Being afraid to feel your feelings is a natural response. The only way to deal with this fear is to understand that fear, like all other feelings, must be allowed to follow its own evolutionary process. It must be allowed to move. When you cling to fear you are refusing to accept its ability to help you. And, by stopping its movement you, in turn, become paralyzed by it. Feel your fear, accept its presence. Allow it to move through you and out of you. This process develops courage, and the ability to recognize those things which really do need to be feared, and those which need not be feared at all. Your feelings are your senses and instincts, all of which are vital to your survival.

Be honest with yourself. Mere positive thinking can do more harm than good if you are not simultaneously feeling that way. Your thoughts and feelings are two very different energies and must be experienced separately so that you can tell them apart. And when your masculine thoughts and feminine feelings make peace and join forces, your personal power to survive and prosper increases significantly, and your entire being evolves.

The 9 vibration takes you in what seems like the wrong direction - backwards - but this is the direction you must take in order to find the unfinished issues which are preventing you from going forward. It is natural for the 9 year cycle to be an emotional one. Not only will you be dealing with emotions from the past, but also with new emotional situations in the present which, in effect, help trigger the old feelings which need to be released.

This year’s circumstances may be reenactments of the past, in different forms, representing the consequences of certain actions, inaction, beliefs, and attitudes. You cannot live fully in the present if part of you is stuck in the past. Therefore, you will want to go back and retrieve those parts of yourself that are stuck there.  

Generosity and compassion play important roles now. Through a greater depth of feeling in yourself, you will become more sympathetic to other people’s realities and more aware of how you, and they, are compounding certain problems by denying the feelings involved. You will also become aware of the difference between compassion and guilt.

If you are reluctantly involved in something, guilt may have convinced you that it’s the right thing to do. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. But the only way to be sure is by letting your true feelings guide you. It is in the 9 year that we realize the extent to which guilt has kept us from achieving happiness and how much we have denied guilt by reversing it into blame.

In the 9 year, unhappy memories arise so they can be healed, creating more inner space for happiness to resurface. Inaccurate beliefs are replaced by new truths and potentials. As you accept what has happened to you, you develop a clearer picture of what you want to happen. The old you becomes the present you, and your Will - your desire - determines the future you. Not all endings have unhappy emotions attached. Some situations will be concluded, bringing you much relief. Don’t assume the worst. Accept that your past is the ground you had to cover in order to get to where you want to be. Your understanding of this will make your 9 year one of the most exhilarating and dynamic journeys you will ever travel.

Do People Really Make Us Happy?

It appears that people can make us feel a range of emotions; happy, sad, angry, frustrated, euphoric, disappointed, depressed and the list goes on. The truth is this is an illusion. We live in a society that has convinced us that happiness lies outside of us, within our environment and through the things we accumulate. Here is a perfect example of how we have learned this way of understanding life’s happiness. A mother sees her young child crying. The mother enthusiastically offers the child a cookie. The child then seeing his/her mother smiling (happy) makes the association with the cookie as an object that possesses happiness. We could take it a bit further and look at how the cookie has an effect on the child’s brain reinforcing the idea of where happiness lies. Let’s look at the effect of the sugar in the cookie. Sugar is known to light up the reward pathways and cause a surge of feel-good hormones, like dopamine, to be released. As a result, we feel good and “happy”. The child easily confuses the cookie, or any other thing the child learns to associate with happiness, as where happiness lies.

People’s Energy DOES Have an Effect On Us

True. We are all energy. We transmit energy. We receive energy. Yet, energy changes all the time so if someone’s happy and we feel the effects of it we begin to associate thatthat is where happiness lies. We begin to confuse, once again, where happiness lives. “That person makes me happy!” or “That person makes me upset”. It may not be that we consciously want to blame or hold someone accountable for our state of being. It could be that we simply are confused as to where happiness truly is.

Taking Responsibility

Taking responsibility for how we feel is one of the most valuable lessons we can learn in life. Choosing how we feel is a conscious action. We must be fully aware to make this choice. Noticing how we feel is the first step. To choose how we want to feel in a way that is authentic and actually works is to first allow what is so to be. To simply allow it to exist. Allowing is not agreeing. Allowing is allowing. Once we allow what is, then we can make a conscious choice to choose how we want to feel. Once you choose an empowering emotion, take a moment to connect to what that feels like. Experience it fully. Maybe think of a happy memory and relive it. Embrace the feeling and let it wash over you and sink in. Then proceed with your life. It is quite simple but where people go wrong in choosing their emotions is leaving out the acceptance, allowing something to be as it is. What is surprising is that whatever undesirable emotion was being experienced will simply take care of itself and disappear.

True Happiness

Happiness is our birthright. Happiness is a skill. Like all skills, it must be practiced. When you have true happiness within, you are totally fulfilled and the things you engage in are not perceived as a pathway to lead you to happiness but an adventure you can embrace fearlessly with joy and out of the sheer excitement of being alive!

To discover more about happiness, I recommend a current documentary on NetFlix simply titled: “Happiness”. Filmmaker Roko Belic travels to more than a dozen countries, searching for the meaning of happiness.

Sterling is a celebrated professional life coach and a nationally published author. She works with clients all over the world. Her practice is located in Beverly Hills. For more information, please visit: www.intuitivelifebysterling.com www.getyourlifenow.com

10 Ways to Unlock Happiness….Everyday!

hap·pi·ness

ˈhapēnəs/

noun

1. the state of being happy.

   "she struggled to find happiness in her life"

   synonyms:pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, cheerfulness, merriment, gaiety, joy,

2. joyfulness, joviality, jollity, glee, delight, good spirits, lightheartedness, well-being, enjoyment; exhilaration, elation, ecstasy, jubilation,rapture, bliss, blissfulness, 

3. euphoria, transports of delight; 

   "trying to rediscover the happiness we once knew"

1. Take time out on a daily basis and simply get present to what you are grateful for. Gratitude brings more things to be grateful about. Even being grateful for it all brings the desirable things that you want! For example: If you feel you are in a dead end job that you want to change, be grateful for the job you have. Expressing gratitude has a magical way of bringing more reasons to be grateful in your future.

2. Smile. Smile at the people you interact with. Smile when you talk on the phone (people do pick up on it). Smile when you exercise. Smile when you are driving in traffic. Smile when you are alone at home. The simple act of smiling can transform any ordinary day into an extraordinary day!

3. Acknowledge people. Acknowledge the cashier. Acknowledge your loved ones. Acknowledge yourself. Acknowledgement brings people closer, creates a space for new possibilities and highlights what is working facilitating more stuff that we want that works!

4. Take time out to commune with nature. Nature has healing energy, energy we call negative ions. This energy tends to diminish the inauthenticity’s that we pick up from living in the modern world leaving us feeling refreshed, peaceful and with a perspective that is rooted in liberating truth.

5. Don’t forget about you! In this day and age we are multi-tasking, trying to find ways of getting more done faster and better. We are taking care of others but are we taking care of ourselves? Set aside time each week that is just for you. Do something at least three times a week that is just for you and keep it sacred. That means no interruptions. It’s time to stop the world and focus on you and your needs and wants. It doesn’t have to take much time just as long as it’s something that you relish and cherish.

6. Eat well and I don’t mean like a sumo wrestler! Eat healthy foods that not only make you feel good, alive and vital but make you proud of your choice. Healthy foods don’t have to take time or cost a lot of money. Take a few minutes out to look up healthy and easy recipes online. Even try a few days of eating vegan http://www.chooseveg.com/vegan-on-a-budget-17-easy-affordable-recipes-2 All it takes is looking at the alternatives out there and changing your point of view.  It’s easier than you think!

7. Give up negative self-talk. When we criticize ourselves we lose power. The very power that leads us to better solutions and better choices for our future. No need to be in denial about something that is not working, but recognize it for just that – something that isn’t working and look for alternatives. Drop judgments about yourself and others and you will see new openings for action and possibilities that didn’t exist before.  Funny how that works!

8. Romance the day! Yes, fall in love with the day. Notice the sun, the clouds, the birds singing, notice the flowers that you pass by or the cute little perky doggies that pass by wagging their tails with excitement for the day. Let it touch you, move you, inspire you! Find the beauty anywhere and everywhere and your creative side will thrive!

9.  Let the news snooze. Getting your daily dose of the news distorts your view of the outer world and creates anxiety, depression in your inner world. The media gets paid to shock and rock your senses putting stress in your life about things you can not do anything about. If you want to know what’s going on in the world subscribe to the online site http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/ about the good news in the world. That’s the kind of news that can make a happy difference in your life!

10.  Spend more time with family and friends face to face.  Turn the electronic world off and really be with people. Engage in conversations and really listen to what others have to say. Share your feelings and thoughts and open yourself up. Express your appreciation, respect and love. You may just find yourself in one of the happiest places on earth!

Dreams CAN Come True!

My Amazing and extraordinary ART OF MANIFESTATION client, Sofia just booked an ABC pilot, "Chunk and Bean"! She produced, wrote and starred in her own web series last year, got it picked up, produced a new iteration of it ‪#‎BreakUpBreakDown‬! She's powerful and created a life of success, happiness and fulfillment. Also, did I mention she met the man of her dreams and is recently engaged? I love you, Sofia Marie Gonzalez and so proud of you!! ‪

You are having it all and having a ball! Dreams can come true! 

#‎sofialand‬ ‪#‎intuitivelifebysterling‬ ‪#‎lifecoach‬ 

Turning Fantasy Into Reality - Top 25 Tips for a Successful Relationship

Turning Fantasy Into Reality – Top 25 Tips for a Successful Relationship

 

 “Relationships are hard.” A common cliché’ that is actually untrue – if you know how to build a solid foundation for your relationships. This goes for ALL relationships. Finding somebody you want to spend time with can be difficult enough, but once that happens, you’ve got to deal with the task of maintenance: keeping things fresh, finding time for each other, and generally just coming up ways to navigate the tricky ups and downs every partnership faces.

Lucky for you, I’ve come up with 25 relationship tips—some big, some small—that’ll improve any partnership.

1. Listen. It might sound obvious, but when you really allow yourself to listen—and ask questions about—what your partner says, it not only leads to better conversations, but also better communication.

2. Take a few days apart. Missing each other is a great way to reconnect. Try grabbing some girlfriends for an overnight or a weekend getaway every few months.

3. Find a support team. Have a handful of great friends or family members you can call so your significant other doesn’t have to hear every small grievance going on your life.

4. Put away your phones. One of the biggest relationship tips is to give your undivided attention when your partner is speaking. It’s is one of the most important things you can do.

5. Volunteer together. Giving back is a great way to keep perspective of how great your relationship is, and how lucky you both are.

6. Create a checklist. Jot down new and fun things you want to accomplish for a day as a duo.

7. Talk to couples over 65 years old. Get relationship tips from them, and see what you can take away to apply to your relationship.

8. Stop and appreciate all that your relationship is this very second. Stop living for what it can be. This person is choosing to be in your life every day, not every day in the future.

9. Revisit the questions you asked in the beginning. What are you hoping to accomplish in the next year? What are you scared of? These answers change, so we need to keep asking these questions.

10. Find 10 things you really love about them and tell them. Guys need confidence boosters, too!

11. Stop nagging. Seriously, stop. Take a step back and figure out the big things about your partner that truly bother you, and approach them from a place of concern and support instead of nitpicking for sport. That’ll get you nowhere.

12. Get over needing to be right. Learning to say “I was wrong” is a skill worth learning.

13. Take care of yourself. No relationship can be successful if you don’t feel good about yourself, both inside and out.

14. Know what you need and then ask for it. You’re dating a human, not a magical psychic.

15. Take a class. It’s proven that couples who learn together connect deeper. Find some common ground (cooking? art? science?) and go from there.

16. Stop complicating things that aren’t complicated enough. Don’t pull a Carrie Bradshaw during the Aiden years: If you bemoan the fact that your relationship is going too well, you might need to revisit why you’re constantly seeking out drama.

17. Assume that if something was said that hurt your feelings, it wasn’t intended that way. Why would they want to upset you or hurt you? Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, but if it’s really bothering you, don’t be afraid to bring it up.

18. Write notes. Whether you have study hall together or live together, handwritten notes are personal touches in today’s highly digital world.

19. Pitch in. Help each other with chores and other necessary, if banal, activities — cooking, cleaning, re-organizing, etc. Not doing them if you live together can create tension, and always doing them can create unfair expectations. Act as team of equals.

20. Disconnect. Step away from the laptop during quality time. Everything on the Internet will still be there later.

21. Allow things to be what they are. Sometimes bad days and bad moods happen. Don’t go crazy trying to make everything better. Just be supportive and loving, because just being there at the end of a bad day can make it better for both of you.

22. Create mini-traditions. Creating small rituals can really help hold up a couple because they become “your thing.” Whether it’s a fancy night out during the holiday season, or watching a certain show every week, these are things that’ll give you both something to look forward to, and it’ll bring you closer together.

23. Be an open book. They can either deal with it or they can’t, but if you can’t be your most honest self with this person, it’ll come out eventually.

24. Compliment, and often. You’re there to make each other feel like your best selves, so let the genuine praise flow freely. Like his outfit? Tell him! Like her hair today? Let her know!

25. Make promises that you really can keep. Say things that you want to follow through with out loud. It’ll make you work harder to make them happen. Having—and setting—levels of reasonable expectations for your relationship is a healthy way to keep it strong. 

Now that you have some good pointers, get moving in the right direction, the direction of experiencing the most powerful thing in life - LOVE!

2016 - This New Year's Predictions!

2016 is a year of completion, rest and forgiveness. Phew! Everything in numerology goes in a 9 year cycle, so we’ve come full circle since the last 9 year, 2016.

The Number 9 is about endings. But with endings come new beginnings. 2016 is a very karmic year. It is a time that we will receive the karma from the good or the bad we have done. It is likely we see will more break-ups and deaths. Endings that have been on their way to manifesting to completion. Relationships, jobs, people that have been working its way towards the end for a little or long while. It’s out with the old and in with the new! It is the cycle of life. 

From a personal standpoint, you could be "cleaning house" yourself this year. Each of us will probably have an ending of some sort to deal with this year. Now that may be a good thing or bad things, depending on your perception.

2016 may also have to do a lot with the karma you’ve laid surrounding the situation too. So you want to look at 2016 as year of completion. What you have started in the year of 2007 will probably come full circle now. Did you begin a relationship that year? Perhaps you started work for a new company? Maybe you went back to school part-time and are just now finishing your degree.

I also look at this Nine Cycle as a chance to go back over the past and revisit the things you would like or need to re-do. For some of you, that may mean a second chance in a relationship.
I expect a lot of spiritual growth this year under the influence of the Number 9 year. There will be more and more people looking to a higher power for knowledge, direction and wisdom. This new year will move quickly by so if you are one of those folks who have a lot to let go of, you’ll be able to sooner than later.

Try hard not to hold on too tightly to things you really need to release because then the energy and the force of the Number Nine may not be pleasant to deal with. Learn to let go and let be. It’ll be much easier and you will be glad you did. Many will feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted off their shoulders!

We all can see there is a lot of work for humanity needed, with more than 1 million people homeless in the great wealthy USA, and more and more this number includes single women with children and families with children, most of whom maintain a job but are unable to afford the obscenely high rents being charged everywhere.

In the personal arena 2016 marks a time to finish projects, to decide about the next cycle of endeavor to begin in 2017, a year of beginnings, as it resonates to the number 1.

While personally you may be experiencing a different Personal Year Number, universally you can look forward this year starting busy, but tapering off to have a very quiet second half. Remember, your key words are completion, rest and forgiveness. So whatever your resolutions are for 2016, take it easy on yourself: forget about dropping a few stray pounds and think about dropping that grudge you’ve been carrying around- you’ll feel so much lighter.

Ways to Work It:
• Learn to meditate or practice deep breathing.

• Declutter! Throw away old papers or clothes you haven’t worn in more than 2 years.

• Redecorate your room or home.

• Make amends: forgive a foe, write an apology letter to anyone you’ve done wrong.

• Start a journal and record your dreams when you wake up.

• Treat yourself to a spa, massage or regular mani-pedis.

• Pining for an ex? Say goodbye (truly) and heal your heart.

• Finish your dissertation, painting, attic clean out or any lingering project you’ve been putting off forever.

• Learn how to enjoy solitude; master the art of being contentedly alone.
Embrace the qualities of the number 9 and you will experience the successes of: 
* Fulfillment
* selflessness
* magnetism
* idealism (in its highest form)
* light-bearer or giver of wisdom and inspiration

Resist them and experience the disempowering qualities which are: 

* personal loss
* emotional extremes
* having to let go of that which is cherished

This year we will be making a clearing that will help nurture the seeds of tomorrow - 2017. 
It's a beautiful process as long as we understand it, respect it, and embrace it versus resist the season we are globally in. 
 

Are You Listening?

Our inner voice is reassuringly or irritatingly always there on tap, offering us the unfailing, if ambiguous, company of a guest who does not plan to leave.* We essentially enter into conversations with some favorable or unfavorable judgment, evaluation, opinions, questions that are already and always at play: “I know” or “I know better,” “is it true” or “is it false,” “am I going to like/dislike or agree/disagree with what’s being said,” “is it right or wrong,” “is it going to make me look good or bad,” etc, etc.

There are both constraining and shaping consequences to coming into conversations with that kind of listening at play. From the constraining side, when what’s being said by someone is inconsistent with our opinions, we essentially dismiss it in some way and miss out on other views as real possibilities—it constrains our perception. From the shaping side, what we walk in with determines the way people and things show up for us. If we think, for example, someone doesn’t understand us, like us, respect us, then we become “they don’t understand/like/respect me” waiting to happen.

When there is nothing between ourselves and what comes from another person, things don’t go through any labyrinth of our evaluations or judgments. In listening without those overlays, in hearing where another person is pointing, we choose to risk being changed by what we hear. A more malleable, fluid world becomes available. The province of possibility emerges, and what it attracts, what we can make happen, has the power to reshape the course of events.

For information on Sterling's new Mastering the Communication process service, call 213-700-3078!

Danger! Are You Drowning In Your Life?

....then it's time to let go. We are in a "9" month - the month of September and the theme is endings. The ending of a significant piece of one's life, year -- a relationship, a job, a stage of life, or a way of thinking -- may be difficult and even painful for many of us. Something that you once counted on as very important to your life is over and done.

Completing means finality; a letting go of what once was. Finding completion implies a complete acceptance of what has happened and an honoring of the transition away from what's finished to something new. In other words, completion describes the ability to go beyond imposed limitations in order to find different possibilities.

So how do we do it? What are the essential ways to find closure from the past?

1.) Take full responsibility for yourself. It's ultimately up to you to take the necessary actions to help move you forward. Have conversations with yourself, both asking and answering your own questions in a form of a "self-dialogue".

• What or whom are you holding onto? Why?

• Does holding on truly make you happy, or are you hanging on to a situation the way it once was, or the way you wished it had been, instead of how it actually turned out?

• Are you using this "holding on" as an excuse to stay stuck and unresolved? In other words, is dwelling in the past taking you away from moving toward your future?

• Are you trying to avoid dealing with loss and the void that loss creates?

• If you're willing to let go, what does that really mean? What will you have to do?

• Are you afraid of not knowing what the outcome will be?

• Ultimately, what do you believe will happen to you if you let go?

Being as honest as you can be will pay off in the long run. The pain, hurt, anger, and disappointment will diminish once you've cleared the way to a better, more realistic understanding of the situation.

2.) Grieve the loss. Take plenty of time to do this. There is no set amount of time and no prescribed way; it's totally up to each person to find that for themselves. Don't let anyone tell you to "just get over it". However, grieving should not go on for years.That's just being stuck, still heavily invested in the past.

Prolonged or incomplete grief may contribute to making poor choices in the future. The ability to trust, to be honest, and to be your self is essential for a new, healthier relationship or situation to present itself to you. "Unfinished business" must be completed and resolved before you move on.

3.) Gather your strengths. • Focus on the positives. Make a list of your talents, gifts, and assets.

• Surround yourself with people who know you well, encourage and support you.

• Shift the emphasis to what you need, what makes you happy. Don't worry about pleasing others.

• Assess where you can make positive change in your life. • Define and affirm what you're able to do something about now.

4.) Make a plan for the immediate future. Determine what's most important for you moving forward. If necessary, reorder your priorities to allow you to explore different possibilities and opportunities that may present themselves to you. Try some of these on for size. It doesn't matter if they don't work out, just that you tried. The important thing is to take action in order to make things happen. If you can't find a path, make one!

5.) Create a ritual. Believe it or not, performing a ritual is a powerful tool to help gain closure. Beyond thinking and talking, and thinking and talking some more, ritual is driven by intention and action. A "symbolic enactment" allows you to utilize your creativity and intuition in order to bypass the intellectual, logical part of your brain.

For example, when a relationship is over, what do you do with all of the meaningful items and objects, such as letters, pictures, etc., that were part of the relationship? A "fire ceremony" is a way to consume the past, but any number of rituals that you personally create can provide symbolic finality and closure.

Finding completion allows you to move into your future, unencumbered and optimistic. And hopefully, you'll find that when all is said and done, you will have learned something valuable from all of the significant events and people in your life -- even if they didn't work out the way you thought they would.

For information on how to powerfully get complete or for how to master the manifestation process

Testimonials

August's Featured Testimonial - 2015

THIS MONTH'S FEATURED TESTIMONIAL

"My daughter and I had found Sterling on Yelp and we decided to go see her together. It was such a great experience! We both left there feeling like intrigued and inspired by Sterling's Art of Manifestation System. So, my daughter started the program and I followed shortly afterwards. Although I have always tried to be a positive person, I felt like there was more to it then just being positive because it just felt like sometimes it was too exhausting. My breaking point was just feeling like spinning my wheels and just feeling like I had to explore other avenues to really help me move forward and accomplish my goals in life.

Although I was a little skeptical I was willing to give it a try. Then I decided to move forward manifesting and putting the intention out there that I already passed the bar - that it's a done deal!! On May 15, I was beyond happy when I got my bar results being the pass rate is so low and had previously thought I couldn't cut it as an attorney. Since then, I have completed several assignments and I am very proud and I feel much more confident in my skills.

As time moved on, I just felt more confident in different aspects of my life. I focused on other areas I wanted a breakthrough in and previously felt challenged by for a long time and had thought was insurmountable. Now I feel much more healthier. I quickly lost 10 lbs. It's just amazing how something as natural as Sterling's Art of Manifestation System can cause such major transformations in my life.

In 2 1/2 short months, I now feel like I am a much different person, I feel very relaxed, in control and confident. It is really a great feeling to know that yes, you can make things happen for yourself; you don't have to wait on anyone, do it now, today!!!

Make it happen because the ironic part of manifesting your intentions is that anyone can do it and it does not just apply to the rich and educated. Now my life looks brighter, I am happier and the word hope has been replaced by a knowing that yes it can and will happen. I am different because I look at all aspects of my life differently now in terms of my personal relationships, as well as my professional life. In both of these areas I just focus on what I want my life to be like and proceed as if that is how my life is and I start seeing these things manifest. My relationship with my daughter is so much more grounded and we totally get each other. I just don't sit back and wait for things to happen anymore - I make them happen.

Another example:

I wanted to own a home again and was told by a supposedly top mortgage person, that I could not qualify at this time. So, I didn't accept that story, I just went to get pre-approved and I did! Now I am actively looking for the right house which is on its way, I know. I have accomplished better relationships, passing the bar, getting a pre-approval on a mortgage, a new home in the works. The sky's the limit!"

Why Living Up To Our Potential Is So Essential!

People like to blame everyone and everything for their problems, their failures and their shortcomings.

Rarely are we willing to accept that the reasons we are who we are and live the life we live are the results of the decisions we ourselves make.

I believe people are primarily shaped by their surroundings, by their environments and by a unique “template” they were born with. All said things influences them.

At the same time, I believe in free will, which means no matter how crappy your situation, you have the ability to change it.

You have the ability to change yourself and your life; whether or not you choose to do so is up to you. Chances are, the most toxic thing in your life is all your untapped potential.

It’s why you haven’t developed self-control.

Each of us has the ability to control ourselves to a relatively high extent. Of course, having control of our thoughts, our mindset, our actions and our realities takes a lot of work; it isn’t easy and almost never comes naturally.

Although it may come more naturally to some as opposed to others, even the most “gifted” must focus and persist.

To control is to interact with a force and guide its energy in a certain direction. Controlling is not so much holding on to, but redirecting our thoughts and actions toward a specific purpose.

Having control of your body and your mind is the first step to having control over your surroundings. You have the potential to do so — it’s already an intrinsic part of you.

You just need to tap into that potential. And the only way to do so is by deciding, in every waking moment, to take control.

It’s the reason you feel lost.

I know how it feels to wake up and feel as if you’re in someone else’s skin and wondering when your real life is going to begin. I know how it feels to go about your day, hating every other moment and wondering why things are the way they are.

I understand what it’s like to despise the things you’re doing, to hate the job you’re working, to wish you had friends worthy of holding the title. I know what it means to be lost.

I’m not the only one and neither are you. There is only one way to find yourself, to find your purpose in life and to find content: You need to become the person you know you need to be. You need to tap into that untapped potential and become the “you” of the future.

Most people never manage to grow into the individuals they ought to become. They will blame it on their circumstances or poor luck, but the truth is they are the ones choosing to accept failure. It may be harder for some than it is for others, but every single one of us can be great. We just rarely choose to be.

It’s how you can learn to understand and handle your emotions.

You have the potential to understand yourself completely. You have the ability to not only feel your emotions but to introspect, to dissect and to understand them as well. The person you are should not be a mystery to you.

The way you feel shouldn’t make you feel confused or unsure of yourself, your emotions should supplement your reality, giving you a better, fuller understanding of both yourself and the way you see the world, your own personal reality.

People love letting their emotions carry them away, like the wind carries the birds. it makes us feel as if we can relinquish control and float along with little conscious effort. We’re always trying to escape, to get our feet off the ground and into the clouds.

Emotion feels like purpose, but it isn’t. Emotion ought to help you understand your purpose, but more often than not, we get addicted to the high it provides. 

It holds your ability to face and conquer your fears.

We all have our fears. Some of us manage to get over them. Some of us pretend like they don’t exist and avoid them — others allow their fears to run and ruin their lives.

Fear is just another emotion. What we fear does not actually exist unless we create it into existence. Fear can result in stopping us but nonetheless still it is only an emotion.

You can do just about anything you wish if you choose to do so. You may fail the first couple of times, maybe the first couple hundred of times even, but if you refuse to give up, then you will inevitably succeed. Mastering the manifestation process not only allows us to understand and create and guide our intentions into reality but also allows us to enjoy the journey dancing through life with a smile and a chuckle instead of alternatively waiting to breath a sigh of relief and pop open a bottle of champagne once the destination is reached and the boulder is no longer being pushed uphill.

Facing our fears is one of the most important things we can do. Why? Because, in most cases, what we fear is what we want the most. 

It’s the reason you are stuck where you are.

People want progress in every facet of life. We all want to do better, be better and have a better life. We’re all hoping and wishing for our lives to improve, each and every one of us, in one way or another with no exceptions.

Progress is not about getting a bigger paycheck, or a nicer car, house, or outfits. It’s not about possessions, or titles or any of that stuff. Progress relies solely on you and how you progress as an individual. The rest comes to fruition as a byproduct.

You have the potential to be great, but you choose not to be. That’s right, you CHOOSE not to be.

We make a choice every moment of every day on whether or not we are going to tap into and unleash our potential. What are we consciously or unconsciously CHOOSING to create?

If you fail to do so, it’s because you refuse to do so. It’s not easy, but if you wish to feel fulfilled, happy and content, then it is necessary.

It’s what’s keeping you from creating the life of your dreams.

Every day you decide to stay the person you are now, instead of searching within yourself for the best version you can potentially be, is another day wasted.

Failing to succeed isn’t really failure, it’s a roadblock, a delay. Failing to tap into your potential is the end of the road.

Some people are more intelligent than others, but that can be changed. Some are wittier, funnier, better read, better learned, better groomed… that can also be changed.

Whatever person you want to be or life you want to lead is a possibility for you because you have the potential to do and be whatever and whomever you want. Whether you break past your habits and stoicism is entirely up to you.

The truth is that the most toxic thing in your life is likely to be you, but guess what, the good news is that you also have the ability to change ALL of that and no one ultimately has a say in what you create and experience in this life. So, GO FOR IT and get consciously creating!

The Story Of Our Lives - Destiny or Creation?

“…From an early age I knew my ambition was to be in a plot, or several plots—but no plots came my way. You have to apply for them, a friend of mine told me. He’d been around, so I took his advice and went down to the plot factory. Like everything else, there was an interview. ‘So,’ said the youngish man behind the desk, ‘You think you have what it takes to be in a plot? What did you have in mind?…’”

When we’re asked who we are, we pretty much tell our story. Story telling is key—it’s how we understand one another, how we preserve the past, how we make meaning, how we bring new realities to life. While our stories are rich, layered, and unique, we are no more our stories than we are our names, all that happens, the meanings we assign, or our mental or emotional states.

The content of our stories is not us—yet, often without us even noticing, the content of our stories and “who we consider ourselves to be” (our identity) get collapsed and become one and the same. The collapse is just kind of a built-in, de facto part of human nature. It’s where we get stuck and what immunizes us against the vastness of what’s possible in being human.  This not only can limit what's possible for us in the world but can also warp our sense of reality to a disadvantageous degree. We can describe and refer to ourselves as “in” the story—to forward our views, launch great ideas, further our commitments—but we are “outside” of it, standing ever ready as the author. Our authorship lives in language. It’s in language that we articulate, define, and shape reality, giving us hands-on access to a world that’s malleable and always open to being invented - this is where The Art of Manifestation System can play a crucial role in distinguishing the stories that shape our lives and allow us to break free from the constraints they place on our lives so we can express ourselves more fully and begin to live out not just desirable stories that we uncover the ability to invent, but live a life of a magickal master of our destiny. 
 

THE WORD THAT ALLOWS FOR "YES"!

THE WORD THAT ALLOWS FOR "YES"!

 

Choice. It’s the word that allows yes and the word that makes no possible. It’s the word that puts the free in freedom and takes obligation out of the mix. It’s the word upon which adventure, exhilaration, and authenticity depend. It’s the word that the cocoon whispers to the caterpillar.

We tell ourselves, sometimes, that living a transformed life isn’t that important, that it’s enough just to get by. We get wrapped up in our own concerns, particular points of view, or positions, and the idea of getting ourselves to a place where things can be great seems too big an undertaking. If somebody had a magic powder to come and sprinkle on us and just through that we’d be transformed, we might say, “No, thanks—I don’t want any! Let me stay just as I am.” It takes courage to live in a transformed way—to wrestle with our resistances, to give up mediocrity, to live consistent with what we know is possible in being human. It’s always and only a matter of our choosing.

10 Ways to Get Yourself Out of a Funk and Fast!

Recently I have been coaching people on how to lift those grey-skied blues. Here’s some go-to advice for shifting those heavy and funky feelings to brightness and lightness.

10 Ways to Get Yourself Out of a Funk and Fast!

1. Check out your biological balance. Take an inventory:

• Are you going to bed at a decent hour? How is your sleep?

• Are you eating well and keeping your blood sugars stable?

• Could you be Vitamin D deficient or are your Vitamin B stores low? • Are you stressing your liver with too much alcohol and processed foods?

• Are you dieting or not eating enough calories?

• Our bodies work hard to keep a chemical equilibrium at all times– but sometimes we need to consciously work on helping with that process.

A chemical imbalance can (and will) absolutely affect our moods. So good sleep, nutrition and self care are not a panacea– they are critical in helping us regain emotional balance. If you are struggling with sleep, it’s really important to address it. Be mindful of what works for you and which foods make you feel worse, then respect that knowledge by doing your best to nourish yourself well.

2. Do time with the issues. As much as we would like to be able to simply transcend our worst mental and emotional struggles, we need to acknowledge them and take a look. Ignoring them is completely useless– our issues will continue to grow and upset us until they have our full attention. Acknowledging negative emotions is not the same as indulging them. Our feelings are there to help us understand and explore the situation better. Don’t let them run you over; allow them to guide you. It is helpful to write them down. Start with a feeling: “I feel disappointed” and then go further– “I feel disappointed about….” Go deeper again. Whatever the feeling, it is completely worth the time and energy to spend a little longer defining it more specifically. Remember that specifics are more manageable than vague feelings. Do not be afraid to identify whatever it is that you are angry, sad, scared, or frustrated about. These feelings are valid and need to be acknowledged before they can then be released. If you are struggling to identify your feelings, consider talking with a friend, spiritualist or life coach to help bring some clarity to what you are experiencing. If you discover that you have a lot of fear that is creating your funk, it’s time to release them for they then can become a source of what is to follow and we don’t want to create fear based realities.

3. Write about it. Journaling is not just for sentimental types! Writing down your thoughts can be extremely helpful in crystallizing your thoughts and feelings. It doesn’t matter at all what you write about– just put down whatever comes to your mind. This has an incredibly clarifying and freeing effect. At the beginning of the day, you get to notice and release all of the things that are clouding your mind as you begin. This process is very helpful for me whenever I feel stuck creatively or overwhelmed with my work or any other kind of funk.

4. Create something. Using the artistic/ intuitive parts of your brain can help you bring understanding to the parts of your life that you cannot logically comprehend. Likewise, there are things that you cannot express through words– so use your creative side, engage your senses, or move your body through dance as a way of expressing yourself. This could also come in the form of learning a new skill– which helps get us out of our heads and more into our bodies. I like to express myself through my pottery class and of course, writing songs and acting.

5. Channel your energy in a positive way. When I am feeling upset about something, my house usually looks cleaner than usual. Frustration really gets me cleaning, as does trying to problem-solve. If you are feeling stuck, consider your surroundings– are things piling up around you? What is your living space doing for your mood? Clearing out clutter and improving your environment can really help you shift your own energy, and focusing on a task like this can also give you space to think and work some things out. The other resource is for letting go of clothes you no longer wear. One thing that keeps me from clearing clothes out is the knowledge that these garments are worth something, and it makes it hard for me to just get rid of them but once I do I feel lighter and freer and that is worth something in itself!

6. Get Bodywork. Have you ever heard the saying, “We carry our issues in our tissues?” It’s true. Getting massage or energy work, or acupuncture from a talented practitioner can be extremely helpful as you navigate life changes and difficult situations. Releasing tensions in your body helps in also letting go of tensions and anxieties in your mind. I have witnessed powerful personal transformations as a result of effective bodywork treatments. I particularly recommend Cranio Sacral Therapy and my personal favorite is my body miracle worker – John Godfrey. If you are interested in his services, email me! A hot bath with Epsom salts is also a powerful way to relieve muscle tension, stress and helps detoxify the body. The salts are an incredibly inexpensive way to go. Meditation is an excellent mind-body exercise to help you release stress and restore internal balance as well as creative visualization, which is incredibly powerful and works in just a few minutes!

7. Give in to it, for a time. Make an appointment with yourself to be in your funk, and to explore those feelings. In the past, making a mixed tape (or CD) of songs that I felt embodied my emotional feelings, helped me. I listened to that music, and felt those feelings until they eased. This is the opposite of the advice most of us get. “If you’re feeling sad, put on some peppy music! Dance it out!” Although that can work sometimes, but I feel this approach is more of a band-aid than a healing process for what you resist persists. My go-to is often to clear my schedule, ask for the space I need from my family, buy myself some flowers, and take a hot bath. There may be weeping, there may be a sad movie; there may be some chocolate cake involved. Whatever feels right to you for nurturing yourself and allowing yourself to be where you’re at is what you need. Giving yourself space for self-reflection and expression is the way to move it out of your space. It’s a case of unexpressed emotions that hasn’t been given its own time to be expressed that lingers and doesn’t shift until you allow it to come out.

8. Give to others - be with others. In this era we are in, isolation can prevail. We’ve given so much time to the electronic age we have forgotten how to connect to one another. Connect with friends again in person or participate in a class or group activity. Even getting out where there are other people can help lift spirits. Kindness can also heal, and gratitude does, too. When you begin to feel sorry for yourself, make a point of doing something kind for someone else. Reach out and thank someone for the joy or nourishment they have brought into your life. This will take your mind off of your own issues and open the world up to you just a bit. And guess what? Kindness and good deeds are proven mood-lifters! Even making a donation to a good cause helps. So it’s totally worth making a point of doing it daily

9. Go outside and move your body. Taking a walk in nature is helpful in many ways. Invite a friend to walk with you if you want, and then you get three-for-one therapy: community, exercise, and talk therapy. I like to walk alone and think– it can be very clarifying. For me, there is no bad mood that can’t be dispelled by a walk in nature. Sometimes when I get there I am very skeptical about whether or not it will work, because I’m feeling so bad. But it always does,every time! Exercising increases the oxygen available to your brain, and helps you to solve problems. So when you feel stuck or overwhelmed, take some time to see something beautiful, breathe deeply and move your body outside.

10. Play! Playing or having fun may feel like the last thing you want to do. But it can be so helpful. Laughter is an incredible stress reliever, and going out and doing something frivolous or silly helps put life back into perspective. This is also a great way to bring your family into your life when you have been brooding. Watch funny movies, look for good stand-up comics, play silly games with your kids. Do cartwheels if you know how– being upside down once in a while is good for you, too! Whatever it is that makes you smile, laugh, or forget about all the things that are on your mind– do more of that, and make it a priority.

Know that the times of sadness, inertia and “funk” are a really normal part of life. There is nothing wrong with you, and it’s important to have times of reflection to process big and small changes in life. Give yourself plenty of grace, and reach out and ask for help when you need it and always know, I am always here for you!

50 Reasons to GET HAPPY - We Are Living In The Best Of Times!

50 Reasons to GET HAPPY – We Are Living In The Best Of Times!

Recently I was speaking with a doctor who retired after a 35-year career. I asked him how much the medicine world had changed during the past three decades. "Oh, it’s changed incredibly," he said. He listed off a ton of examples. Stroke and heart disease are way down. Cancer survival rates are have gone up considerably. We're better at diagnosing, treating, preventing, and curing disease than we have been in history.

This is interesting: In 1900, 1% of American women giving birth died in labor. Today, the five-year mortality rate for localized breast cancer is 1.2%. Being pregnant 100 years ago was almost as dangerous as having breast cancer is today.

The doctor commented that the problem is that these advances happen so slowly over time, you probably don't hear about them nor are they being celebrated in the news. If cancer survival rates improve, for instance, 1% per year, any given year's progress looks unimpressive, but over a few decades, extraordinary progress is made.

Compare health care improvements with the stuff that gets talked about in the news – we hear the news broadcasting about Justin Bieber's arrest -- and you can easily understand why Americans feel pessimistic about the country's direction. We side-step the important news and obsess over trivial news.

Here lies my belief that everything is celebratory yet people find so many reasons to be unhappy. Consider these 50 facts that demonstrate that we are ALIVE through the most amazing period in world history!

1. In the U.S. our life expectancy at birth was 39 years in 1800, 49 years in 1900, 68 years in 1950, and 79 years today. The average newborn today can expect to live an entire generation longer than his great-grandparents could.

2. A flu pandemic in 1918 infected 500 million people and killed as many as 100 million. Author John Barry describes the illness as if "someone were hammering a wedge into your skull just behind the eyes, and body aches so intense they felt like bones breaking." Today, with our knowledge and understanding of the flu it’s now considered as common and non-threatening as the common cold. Besides that, there are countless remedies, medical help and homeopathic avenues we can pursue to overcome it.

3. In 1950, 23 people per 100,000 Americans died each year in traffic accidents, according to the Census Bureau. That fell to 11 per 100,000 by 2009. If the traffic mortality rate had not declined, 37,800 more Americans would have died last year than actually did. In the time it will take you to read this article, one American is alive who would have died in a car accident 60 years ago.

4. Popular Mechanics magazine in 1949 made a courageous prediction that one day a computer could weigh less than 1 ton. Today your phone weighs less than a slice of pizza.

5. The average American now retires at age 62. One hundred years ago, the average American died at age 51. Appreciate your latter years -- your ancestors didn't get that opportunity.

6. In his 1770s book The Wealth of Nations, Adam Smith wrote: "It is not uncommon in the highlands of Scotland for a mother who has borne 20 children not to have 2 alive." Infant mortality in America has dropped from 58 per 1,000 births in 1933 to less than six per 1,000 births in 2010, according to the World Health Organization. There are about 11,000 births in America each day, so this improvement means more than 200,000 infants now survive each year who wouldn't have 80 years ago. That's like adding a city the size of Boise, Idaho, every year.

7. America saw an average of 20,919 murders per year in the 1990s, and 16,211 per year in the 2000s, according to the FBI. If the murder rate had not fallen, 47,000 more Americans would have been killed in the last decade than actually were. That's more than the population of Biloxi, Miss.

8. Despite a surge in airline travel, there were half as many fatal plane accidents in 2012 than there were in 1960, according to the Aviation Safety Network.

9. No one has died from a new nuclear weapon attack since 1945. If you went back to 1950 and asked the world's smartest political scientists, they would have told you the odds of seeing that happen would be close to 0%. You don't have to be very imaginative to think that the most important news story of the past 70 years is whatdidn't Congratulations, world.

10. People worry that the U.S. economy will end up stagnant like Japan's. Next time you hear that remind yourself: unemployment in Japan hasn't risen above 5.6% in the past quarter of a century, its government corruption ranking has consistently improved, incomes per capita adjusted for purchasing power have grown at a decent rate, and life expectancy has risen by nearly five years.

11. Two percent of American homes had electricity in 1900. J.P Morgan (the man) was one of the first to install electricity in his home, and it required a private power plant on his property. Even by 1950, close to 30% of American homes didn't have electricity. It wasn't until the 1970s that virtually all homes were powered. Adjusted for wage growth, electricity cost more than 10 times as much in 1900 as it does today, according to professor Julian Simon.

12. According to the Federal Reserve, the number of lifetime years spent in leisure -- retirement plus time off during your working years -- rose from 11 years in 1870 to 35 years by 1990. Given the rise in life expectancy, it's probably close to 40 years today. Which is amazing: The average American spends nearly half his life in leisure. If you had told this to the average American 100 years ago, that person would have considered you wealthy beyond imagination.

13. We are having a national discussion about whether a $7.25-per-hour minimum wage is too low. But even adjusted for inflation, the minimum wage wasless than $4 per hour as recently as the late 1940s. The top 1% have captured most of the wage growth over the past three decades, but nearly everyone has grown richer -- much richer -- during the past seven decades.

14. In 1952, 38,000 people contracted polio in America alone, according to the Centers for Disease Control. In 2012, there were fewer than 300 reported cases of polio in the entire world.

15. From 1920 to 1949, an average of 433,000 people died each year globally from "extreme weather events." That figure has plunged to 27,500 per year, according to Indur Goklany of the International Policy Network, largely thanks to "increases in societies' collective adaptive capacities.

16. Worldwide deaths from battle have plunged from 300 per 100,000 people during World War II, to the low teens during the 1970s, to less than 10 in the 1980s, to fewer than one in the 21st century, according to Harvard professor Steven Pinker. "War really is going out of style," he says.

17. Median household income adjusted for inflation was around $25,000 per year during the 1950s. It's nearly double that amount today. We have false nostalgia about the prosperity of the 1950s because our definition of what counts as "middle class" has been inflated -- seethe 34% rise in the size of the median American home in just the past 25 years. If you dig into how the average "prosperous" American family lived in the 1950s, I think you'll find a standard of living we'd call "poverty" today.

18. Reported rape per 100,000 Americans dropped from 42.3 in 1991 to 27.5 in 2010, according to the FBI. Robbery has dropped from 272 per 100,000 in 1991 to 119 in 2010. There were nearly 4 million fewer property crimes in 2010 than there were in 1991, which is amazing when you consider the U.S. population grew by 60 million during that period.

19. According to the Census Bureau, only one in 10 American homes had air conditioning in 1960. That rose to 49% in 1973, and 89% today -- the 11% that don't are mostly in cold climates. Simple improvements like this have changed our lives in immeasurable ways.

20. Almost no homes had a refrigerator in 1900, according to Frederick Lewis Allan's The Big Change, let alone a car. Today you can buy a car with a refrigerator in it!

21. The average cost of around-trip airline ticket fell 50% from 1978 to 2011, according to Airlines for America. Flying was a privilege only the elite could afford. My mother had to spend a month’s worth of wages in 1970 just to afford a one way ticket from Texas to Los Angeles.

22. According to the Census Bureau, the average new home now has more bathrooms than occupants.

23. According to the Census Bureau, in 1900 there was one housing unit for every five Americans. Today, there's one for every three. In 1910 the average home had 1.13 occupants per room. By 1997 it was down to 0.42 occupants per room.

24. Professor Julian Simon reported that the average American house or apartment is twice as large as the average house or apartment in Japan, and three times larger than the average home or apartment in Russia.

25. Relative to hourly wages, the cost of an average new car has fallen fourfold since 1915.

26. Google Maps is free. If you think about this for a few moments, it's really astounding. It's probably the single most useful piece of software ever invented, and it's free for anyone to use.

27. High school graduation rates are at a 40-year high, according to Education Week.

28. The death rate from strokes has declined by 75% since the 1960s, according to the National Institutes of Health. Death from heart attacks has plunged, too: If the heart attack survival had had not declined since the 1960s, the number of Americans dying each year from heart disease would be more than 1 million higher than it currently is.

29. In 1900, African Americans had an illiteracy rate of nearly 45%, according to the Census Bureau. Today, it's statistically close to zero.

30. People talk about how expensive college is today, but a century ago fewer than one in 20 Americans ever stepped foot in a university. College wasn't an option at any price for some minorities because of segregation just six decades ago.

31. The average American’s work week went from 66 hours in 1850, to 51 hours in 1909, to 34.8 today, according to the Federal Reserve. Enjoy your extra time!

32. Incomes have grown so much faster than food prices that the average American household now spends less than half as much of its income on food as it did in the 1950s. Relative to wages, the price of food has declined more than 90% since the 19th century, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

33. As of March 2013, there were 8.99 million millionaire households in the U.S., according to the Spectrum Group. Put them together and they would make the largest city in the country, and the 18thlargest city in the world, just behind Tokyo. We talk a lot about wealth concentration in the United States, but we don’t realize it's not just the very top that has done well.

34. More than 40% of adults smoked in 1965, according to the Centers for Disease Control. By 2011, 19% did.

35. In 1900, 44% of all American jobs were in farming. Today, around 2% are. We've become so efficient at the basic need of feeding ourselves that nearly half the population can now work on other stuff.

36. One of the reasons Social Security and Medicare are underfunded is that the average American is living longer than ever before. I think this is literally the best problem to have.

37. In 1940, less than 5% of the adult population held a bachelor's degree or higher. By 2012, more than 30% did, according to the Census Bureau.

38. U.S. oil production in September was the highest it’s beensince 1989, and growth shows no sign of slowing. We produced 57% more oil in America in September 2013 than we did in September 2007. The International Energy Agency projects that America will be the world's largest oil producer as soon as 2015. Which also means that we will be more nationally independent for these precious resources.

39. The average American car got 13 miles per gallon in 1975, and more than 26 miles per gallon in 2013, according to the Energy Protection Agency. This has an effect identical to cutting the cost of gasoline in half.

40. Annual inflation in the United States hasn't been above 10% since 1981 and has been below 5% in 77% of years over the past seven decades. When you consider all the hatred directed toward the Federal Reserve, this is astounding.

41. The percentage of Americans age 65 and older who live in poverty has dropped from nearly 30% in 1966 to less than 10% by 2010. For the elderly, the war on poverty has pretty much been won.

42. Adjusted for inflation, the average monthly Social Security benefit for retirees has increased from $378 in 1940 to $1,277 by 2010. What used to be a safety net is now a proper pension.

43. If you think Americans aren't prepared for retirement today, you should have seen what it was like a century ago. In 1900, 65% of men over age 65 were still in the labor force. By 2010, that figure was down to 22%. The entire concept of retirement is unique to the past few decades. Half a century ago, most Americans worked until they died.

44. According to The Economist, from 1920 to 1980, an average of 395 people per 100,000 died from famine worldwide each decade. During the 2000s, that fell to 3 per 100,000.

45. The cost of solar panels has declined by 75% since 2008, according to the Department of Energy. From what I understand, the sun’s services are free.

46. As recently as 1950, nearly 40% of American homes didn't have a telephone. Today, there are 500 million Internet-connected devices in America, or enough for 5.7 per household.

47. According toAT&Tarchives and the Dallas Fed, a three-minute phone call from New York to San Francisco cost $341 in 1915, and $12.66 in 1960, adjusted for inflation. Today, Republic Wireless offers unlimited talk, text, and data for $10 a month.

48. In 1990, the American auto industry produced 7.15 vehicles per auto employee. In 2010 it produced 11.2 vehicles per employee. Manufacturing efficiency has improved dramatically.

49. $34,000 a year is all you need to be in the richest 1% of the world, according to Branko Milanovic's, the World Bank economist author of book The Haves and the Have-Nots. To be in the top half of the globe you need to earn just $1,225 a year. For the top 20%, it's $5,000 per year. Enter the top 10% with $12,000 a year. To be included in the top 0.1% requires an annual income of $70,000. America's poorest are some of the world's richest.

50. Only 4% of humans get to live in America. Odds are you're one of them. We've got it made. Be thankful.

We Americans tend to have very short memories, so remember: It’s time to GET HAPPY. We have A LOT to be joyful and thankful for!

Where Does Success Live And How Can I Get It To Move In With Me?

Where Does Success Live And How Can I Get It To Move In With Me?

 

There are just two reasons why you haven't achieved the things you’d like to have or experience in life.

1. You’re blocked by something external

2. You won’t because of something internal

The Truth Is: almost everyone who succeeds, knows the answer is number #2 - the reason they have failed is because of themselves. Not because someone won’t let them, lack of funds, lack of intelligence, lack of resources, lack of weather – whatever. It is, without fail, their own fault. Always.

If this doesn’t sound accurate, consider the flipside: those who fail always assume it’s not their fault. With that attitude, your ego is forever letting itself off the hook. You can’t learn from your experiences, except maybe that you shouldn’t have even tried, because – well – that wild, wild world was just super-mean to you again.

Try listening to a lot of normal conversations: it’s just the ol’ ego making excuses, hiding out and blocking you from what truly inspires you and makes life worthwhile. “I’ve been here 6 years in the same job and they still haven’t promoted me!” “I know, me too! It’s so unfair…”

As Don Draper would say: I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent. Whenever “it” or “they”, “he” or “she” is to blame, you’re just diverting the blame. Because the only thing that matters is what you can control: what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it?

There are always situations when you really can’t have something that you don’t control. Maybe you dream of being a championship triathlete, but you were born without legs. Well of course, but even that doesn’t have to stop you from achieving beyond your imagination! Why do we make excuses?

Making excuses can make us feel better.

Excuses are like painkillers for our self-respect. Surely they evolved with this purpose. For not everyone can succeed all the time, and if you can’t, it’s better that you don’t become too depressed about it. But the chances are the things that you want – that you want the most - are not fast cars, Angelina Jolie’s life or a giant catapult to the moon.

Most of us crave fundamentally simple things: love, respect, security, health, significance. These things don’t require that we’re born to wealthy parents, or with perfect genes. If you’re reading this, the chances are you have access to education, sanitation, medicine, freedom of speech, shelter and the sum of the world’s knowledge (The Google), and that you take them for granted. For over 150,000 years human life would have utterly sucked compared to now, and you’ve been born in the last 70 or so, in the blessed minority, when it doesn’t. You’re so lucky you can’t imagine. So where does the answer to the subject of attaining success lie?

The Problem (and solution) Lies Within YOU!

Whenever you hit a wall: find what you can do about it, do it, and forget anything else. All the other stuff just consumes your attention and accomplishes nothing. The solutions to all your problems are probably so obvious, you likely already know them. The trick is simply acknowledging it’s your responsibility alone to make it happen! Yes, Dorothy, It's that simple. 

Busting The Psychic Tarot Card Reader Myth!

Busting The Psychic Tarot Card Reader Myth!

Clients who come to me at Intuitive Life By Sterling for my tarot card services are often confused and bewildered about how the intuitive and tarot card process works. For a lot of people, it often conjures up images of a gypsy mystic gazing into a crystal ball and foreseeing a pre-determined good or bad future, accompanied by predictions, images of past, present and future relations, incidents and sometimes even detecting prevalent bad energy that needs removal. Most of this is misconstrued or simply fabricated and untrue.

What I do at Intuitive Life By Sterling, as well as what some other legitimate psychics do, is detect what clients unconsciously and consciously create or materialize in their lives by their own hand. No one can place a spell on us, nor can we place a spell on anyone else. All humans are here for two reasons: to create and experience our creations, as well as to experience others’ creations. What we choose to create is entirely up to us.

There is nothing inherently good or bad in the world, as such. All that was and is created equally is assigned a specific value or use. What we determine in our western modern world that is good or bad was largely created by leaders and we - the majority - agreed to label it “good” or “bad.” Now that may leave you thinking, “If there is no inherent good or bad, then how do I determine what I choose to create?” You create consciously or unconsciously by making choices that are aligned with what you want to experience in the world. There are, of course, consequences to our choices, as well. So, although there isn’t anything inherently “bad” about stealing because we, as a majority, agreed to make it an illegal act, you will probably end up in court and possibly jail - and that’s not all. You will also create the energy that attracts someone to steal from you, too. What you create is what you attract, as well. Is that what you want to experience?

I believe that all tarot card readings are essentially good because they indicate what’s being manifested in its infantile form and if we like where we are heading, we can sit back and enjoy the ride. If we don’t like what we are creating, then we can change our course of direction and get back on track, so we can reach our true, intended destination.

We’ve all heard of the stereotypical story of a psychic who is able to predict that in five years, a client will be married to Bill or Linda and have two children. What is really happening in this scenario, however, is that the psychic planted an idea into the client’s mind that was accepted, became an unconscious thought, and was eventually realized as a self-fulfilling prophecy. The client seeker actually adopted the idea and helped create it - into reality. In actuality, there is nothing necessarily wrong with this. The seeker probably liked the idea and thought, “Yes, it would be perfect timing for me to find someone in 5 years and marry and start a family” or they thought, “Well, if I have to wait for five years, that’s better than ten!”

With my background in psychology, astrology, life coaching, numerology – as well as my intuitive abilities – I help guide people where they desire to go and, importantly, uncover things they unconsciously create that may be out of alignment with what they ultimately want. This gives the controls back to my clients, so they can be responsible and act as the sole author of their lives with eyes wide open. Empowering my clients is the foundation of my work and is what I am committed to. Other legitimate psychics or intuitives provide some of these areas of expertise also.

The bottom line for finding a reputable psychic comes down to how you feel about the person who you consult with. Inquire about what you are looking for within the services that the psychic offers. All psychics have their own personal way of working. Some simply will call out things they perceive, others are great for clarifying information in your life and offering solid guidance. If possible, call and have a brief conversation to “feel” the psychic out. It is advisable to not let your pocketbook dictate to where you go. Often times this can lead to spending more money than you are comfortable with. Look for someone who is committed to assisting you, not the other way around. 

For more information about tarot CLICK HERE

How Do You View LOVE?

Love is exhilarating, scary, fun, adventurous, risky, all-encompassing……

How do you view love? What are the stories/ideas you have about love, your love life. Do you find that the same kind of stories keep repeating themselves? Or do you tend to swing from one extreme of a story to another, such as you initiate a break up in one relationship but in the next relationship it’s you who gets dumped.

Often I have clients who come to me looking for love confused by their isolation and loneliness. They’ve never taken a look deep inside where their “love story” resides.

Having the tools to transform these stories/ideas are key to changing our experience of our world within and the world that surrounds us. Loving ourselves first is not a new idea but Sometimes our ideas of loving ourselves is actually an attempt to create love for ourselves in an attempt to cover up self-loathing. It’s like putting icing on a mud pie - the taste is not so sweet. We have to be genuine with ourselves and locate where and why we experience self-loathing before we can transform it. This is the work I stand by. It’s when we locate certain things in a certain way that we experience the “aha” moment that allows a powerful and permanent shift to occur within us. Allowing us access to what we want in our lives. Able to alter our outcomes in a favorable and most desirable way. Love is …. Looking for you as you are looking for it. Have the love you want. Perfect and ideal? Or leaving something to be desired. neither are right or wrong it really just depends on what you want!

4 Best Kept Secrets To Lasting Love

4 Best Kept Secrets To Lasting Love (and discovering what's important)

 

The world of love is an easily solved mystery of giving. As life unfolds, people are too often filled with anxiety instead of love and serenity. This week I was reminded of the words of Dr. Leo Buscaglia, author of LOVE: "What love we've given we will have forever. What love we fail to give is lost for all eternity."

The secrets to lifelong love are really quite simple. Why? Because love is more than a feeling, it is a decision. Lifelong love asks that we maintain positive illusions, be forgiving, re-ignite oxytocin, and laugh often.

 Maintain positive illusions

 From the research of Marcel Zentner, PhD, of the University of Geneva: "Men and women who continue to maintain that their partner is attractive, funny, kind, and ideal for them in just about every way remain content with each other." How to make love last. (Here is one way you can do this: Relationship Tips: choose to Cherish instead of Criticize).

 Also it is important to be mindful of your partner's unique, genuine qualities and stay in touch with these during happy as well as difficult times.

 Incorporate forgiveness in your life each day

 In Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth he talked about the essence of marriage, and later discussed this with journalist Bill Moyers on PBS. He called "loyalty" the essence of marriage—"not cheating, not defecting—through whatever trials or suffering, you remain true."

 Bill Moyers added: "The Puritans call marriage the little church within the church. In marriage, every day you love, and every day you forgive. It is an ongoing sacrament—love and forgiveness."

 Re-ignite that oxytocin

 Psychiatrist Dr. Scott Halzman says that natural highs "can produce excitatory neurochemicals that the brain interprets as excitement about your partner, not the activity." He suggests:

 Making love: Sex produces a natural high that can boost oxytocin levels.

Doing something out of your normal routine: Try going to an amusement park or walking in the rain. And if you are walking in the rain, skip puddles or see who can jump into a puddle and make the biggest splash.

Dining at a new restaurant: When you do so, order a dish that is completely unlike anything else you have ever ordered.

These activities will trigger the bonding effect. These and many other thoughts are in his latest book: The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of Connection and Contentment

Laugh together often

Men like women who laugh at their jokes and women prefer men who make them laugh. A small research study found that women rate funny guys as more intelligent than guys who are not so funny. The research was presented last year at the British Psychological Society Annual Conference in Brighton, England. Why funny guys get the babes - CNN

 And in the often-quoted words of actress Joanne Woodward: "Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat."

5 Top Reasons NOT To Transform Your Life!!

5 Top Reasons NOT To Transform Your Life!!

 

1. Change is hard AND it’s unfamiliar and if it’s unfamiliar it’s scary! Arrrgh!

2. If you stay with what you know you can expect the same results every time, therefore less room for disappointment.

3. What will others think? Egad!

4. Do something differently when I can do it the same and be on autopilot? Please don’t wake me, I’m only sleeping….(light wafts of The Beatles song, “I’m Only Sleeping” plays softly in the background)…..zzzzzz.

5. Excitement and exhilaration are a form of stress and I am trying to cut down on stress, Thainkkk Youuu.

Many of these concocted reasons are just that – false beliefs that need to be disconnected from our lives. They are simply not true (although they’d like you to think they are).

Now you may be thinking: but how? That was my question about 15 years ago when I started embarking on a long and very curious journey as to how to access the life that only seemed to live in my dreams. What I then created was an airtight system that is not only simple but it’s fun, easy and fast! Now that we’ve visited your world, take a peek at how the others are living and see what you are missing!

5 Top Reasons TO Transform Your Life!!

1. It’s my birthright to live exactly as I truly desire: fully, peacefully, fearlessly, contently, in love, excitedly, happily, abundantly, thoroughly, expressively, completely and dynamically because I’ll have plenty of time to recoil from life and never have to answer to it when I’m dead!

2. I am here to create and experience. That is what I do, that is all I can do so I want to be creating my experiences exactly as ideal as possible! Living to fulfill on my utmost potential (which is limitless, by the way!)

3. Suffering, pain, sadness, confusion, heartache, disappointment, dis-ease, upset, unrest, depression is NOT my true self nor my authentic comfort zone.

4. Actually, I DO deserve unconditional love and to make a difference in the world! That’s what I was put here to do (amongst many other colorful, frolicking things ;))

5. Because I can, I should, I want to and I will! Contrary to popular belief, I’ve got the power! (Ahem, If you can just show me the way….)

This way please