Written by Sterling Mire
Bust up stress, anxiety and panicky feelings in the middle of your day, in the middle of the city, in the middle of doing something. Be here now and let go anywhere. We all know it’s not always an easy feat to find a quiet, undisturbed spot to meditate especially when you find yourself in the eye of a stressful storm that comes on unexpectedly. That is why I’ve created these top 3 top ways to meditate while you are on the go!
1. Driving mediation: This is a great way to clear the past and the future, release tension and just be here now while stuck in traffic. Take a look at what is around you. Chose something to notice. Maybe it’s a billboard, a building or perhaps a person walking down the street. Just observe it/them without mentally creating opinions, stories, criticisms, etc. Just notice them. Once you feel you have noticed all there is to notice move on to another subject. Continue to do this while you are not having to pay attention to driving. Notice the space that opens up in you. Notice how you are simply being. Notice how life is suddenly manageable and possibly perfect!
2. Sitting Meditation: This meditation is a great way to ground yourself. You can do it while waiting. Waiting for your car to be repaired, waiting in an office reception area, or simply when you need to clear the mental chatter that has gotten so loud you can’t think straight. It’s also a wonderful way to banish anxiety. It’s called, 5,4,3,2,1. Take a full, deep breath from your belly up. After exhaling fully, count 5 things you see, hear and physically feel. Continue the exercise with 4 things you see, hear and physically feel all the way down to 1. It’s ok if you happen to be in quiet place and you only hear 2-3 things, just repeat whatever sound you hear. You will be left feeling profoundly related to reality - the now. Clarity follows and so does peace.
3. Walking Meditation: This one is a little like the driving meditation only you incorporate breathing deeply from the abdomen up while you observe the things you pass. Be with your surroundings. Notice the sky, the birds and whatever else is around you and connect with the beauty of it. If you get really good at this, you will hear nature saying, “Everything is ok” putting you at ease, synchronicity and flow.
1. Builds concentration – we all need this in the ADD world we live in.
2. Learn to automatically release tension – use these exercises frequently and you can learn to immediately drop tension as easily and quickly as flipping a switch.
3. Get out of your “imagination on fire” and get powerfully related to reality.
4. Allows you to be fully present – did you know that charisma is a product of being fully present? Who doesn’t want the charisma of a movie star or hero/heroine?
5. Creates strong connections with others and extraordinary experiences will follow. Get ready to be enchanted!
6. Provides perspective – this is one thing we often want when dealing with the challenging aspects or dilemmas of our lives – some distance. I say, bring it on!
7. Improves intuition – have you ever wanted the “right” answer to show up? Well, it can and will if there is an empty, unblocked channel for it to show up in what is called your higher self. Also, provides clarity, which promotes peace and offers pathways we couldn’t access otherwise.
There you have it. No more excuses! Learn to meditate anywhere and anytime despite where you are, what is going on around you or how busy you are. It’s easy, very doable and the rewards are instant and plentiful.
We can experience bliss in our world if we have the knowledge.
Written by Sterling Mire
August 8th, just a few days ago, a dear friend of mine lost his life to Cancer. From what I understand, he is now enjoying his blissful afterlife. In the past several months, watching my friend fighting so bravely for the life he so cherished led me to want to understand more about what lies ahead of us when we expire here on earth.
My desire to find peace and acceptance within the situation has drawn me to want to hear what NDE’s (Near Death Experiencer’s) have say about the truth and answers to not just life after life, but life itself, here, as we know it. There are an outstanding number of NDE’s who came back into this realm with the understanding of life’s meanings. What is our true purpose in life? Some of you may be atheists, agnostics or perhaps a healthy skeptic like me. Yet, what challenges the skeptic in me is can all these people be wrong? I think not. Furthermore, what strikes me about Near Death Experiences is that many who do return from the dead are atheists who are transformed believers in life after life without a shadow of a doubt. They even go on to explain that the afterlife is far more real than this life, extraordinary beyond belief in its perfection. They didn’t want to return to Earth although they loved their earthly life and everyone in their life. Yet, after hearing their descriptions, who could blame them? Hearing their captivating stories have been a deep comfort in my time of loss.
Many even drastically change their careers when they return from something meaningless to something meaningful. Many begin careers as teachers, mentors, psychics, healing profession, hospice nurses, public speakers, authors, and other paths that are associated with humanitarian fields.
It is not uncommon to lose the fear of death for NDE’s, which is the root of all our fears – loss and the loss of our lives tops the list.
When NDE’s talk about their life review when they were dead, they commonly express that they not only relive everything in their lives they also experience how they treated others by experiences their feelings as well. During this process the NDE may even feel shame, guilt and remorse for how they treated others. This is a profound teaching. NDE’s also go on to state that when being “praised” in Heaven it wasn’t for their accolades in life or achievements. It was simply for the way they interacted with others by caring for and loving fellow human beings.
NDE’s come back to life with a wealth of knowledge. One of the most important pieces of knowledge they carry around with them in this is knowing we are one. Every day they are unwaveringly committed to generously taking care of fellow human beings. Not just family, friends – loved ones but everyone. At the end of their day they honestly ask themselves if they did enough for others. Helped, assisted, were there for others, gave love, became deeply compassionate.
Fortunately, we don’t have to have an Near Death Experience to take heed of this truth and knowledge that they have been given the opportunity to bring back to us.
We can start to shift our lives today in the direction of love and really giving to each and everyone we encounter. Imagine how life would be experienced differently for all of us. It would simply be Heaven on Earth.
Curious to know more?
Written by: Sterling Mire
Accepting how people are different from ourselves can benefit us and heal the world as a whole more than we realize.
We are all unique. We’ve been raised by different people, with different siblings and friends, sometimes even in different countries with different cultures and within different generations. Yet, we all have the same basic wants and needs. These differences don’t have to result in disconnect or friction in our experiences of one another.
Each of us is the result of a completely individual miraculous design. We all have different talents, skills, points of view, ideas, perceptions and experiences to share with the world creating a contribution unique unto us and providing something different from others contributions. Human beings want the same things in life yet may go about it differently. We all want love, security, acceptance, and to make a difference in the world we live in. We are all moving in the same direction yet coming from and going about it in different ways.
We are here to learn from our choices and the consequences of making those choices unconsciously or consciously. Granting each other grace, forgiveness, love and support along our journeys in life help us to grow for the betterment of the world. Having a level of compassion when interacting with others helps others to grow in a way that serves the planet in a constructive versus destructive way.
No one likes to be criticized or ostracized by others. When we give up judging or criticizing others taking into account that we don’t know what it is to live their lives or what they may be challenged with at that moment not only helps others but helps ourselves too by creating space for positive growth. Accepting differences allows us to unite with one another, forge a bond and gives access to cooperation towards the fulfillment of peace, love and happiness.
Sometimes people can frustrate us especially when it is someone we are close to and care about. Maybe we see them being self-sabotaging or being destructive and suffering needlessly. If we can accept that what is happening is part of their learning process, their journey, individual to their independent life path we actually create room for transforming the situation for the better versus resisting and fighting the situation by making it wrong. What also helps is stepping outside of our own world and moving into others lives bringing with us the intention to understand and accept “what is” so we create a space for transformation.
Ultimately, we are all experiencing the result of the choices we’ve made in life. In other words, the consequences of what we consciously or unconsciously choose give way to the experiences we have. All human beings truly want is to feel good, even if they are not sure how to do that. Choices and consequences are great guides to helping us learn our way. Everyone learns differently and in different time frames. Respecting those differences help move the human race as a whole to a place of peace, love, fulfillment, and unity.
By Sterling Mire
Many times what people say or do to us has nothing to do with us at all.
Have you ever had the experience where what someone does or says doesn’t seem to jibe with what is actually going on? Yet, we take their behavior personally and make it mean something disempowering about us leaving us confused, hurt and disappointed. It’s helpful to remember: people are more connected to their past experiences versus the experiences they would like to have in their future. That past can be what just happened 5 minutes prior or as far back as childhood. Taking things personally without taking a moment to think about where they could be coming from takes us off path.
We also have to be responsible for what we do and say. Could what we said or did provoke a particular response? If our intentions are benign but misunderstood, then we can apologize and clarify what we mean to the other person. If they refuse to forgive and hear the value in what we are trying to convey then we can walk away feeling satisfied with the responsibility and the action we took to remedy the situation. We can also see that there is something that person is personally dealing with that may have absolutely nothing to do with us but what they are struggling with in their own life. Be compassionate and loving and move on. We are all dealing with something in life. We are all evolving and being given the opportunity to grow and growth comes from our relationships. If this is a relationship that we are committed to, then we take move on by taking responsibility of our communications and distinguish if there is anything else we can do to help. Sometimes just being clear in our communications is all there is for us to do. We need to just give the other person some space to be with the situation and gain the understanding and clarity within themselves.
When you shift your attention to the bigger picture you may then notice that there was nothing you did that was inappropriate and can choose to not take it personally leaving you free of feeling attacked or blaming yourself for something that didn’t have anything to do with you. It’s up to you to retain your self-worth while knowing you are taking responsibility for your words and actions. This is the best way to live an empowered and satisfying life!
Have you ever been so wounded by someone that your emotions run deep and steady and letting go and moving on from the situation seems impossible? Transforming the situation and moving on is the only true answer if success, health and happiness is what you seek in life. But the question remains. Why?
Why forgive someone when they have acted so thoughtless, rude, inconsiderate, selfish, mean, cruel, and even evil? Answer: It keeps us stuck in our past.
When we truly forgive someone we are saying, “I want to move on in my life to a much better future than my past experiences. I want to reclaim my power and by holding on to negative feelings I am not only disconnected from the source of all creativity, but I am creating more of what I don’t want in my life by holding on to the negative emotions. Those negative energies being produced by my thoughts are attracting more of what I do not want in my life.”
Negative energy blocks us from accessing what we truly want in life: peace, happiness, total fulfillment and our dreams being realized. When we honestly choose forgiveness, we choose compassion and love and by giving that love and compassion to the person, we free ourselves. We return to our authentic self and re-connect to the universe (which is love). We align to our power that is connected to the power of the limitless universe which creates all things authentic and life-giving. We make a connection with the great Creator who co-creates with us everything in our world that is desirable and good. That is, if we are being our authentic self which is LOVE. Love is the energy that births forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, and peace.
Isn’t life sweeter when we feel light, we experience inspiration, we feel loving and abundant? We can only truly, authentically, connect with those powerful energies that produce miracles by forgiving. That is why forgiveness is key.
Now, instead of just thinking about it and moving on from here with life’s distractions, start drawing up a list of people who need that forgiveness from you. Set them free, maybe even more importantly, set yourself free.
Written by: Sterling Mire
Being of service to others allows us to step outside of our own struggles which can bring answers and pathways to overcome challenges in our own life.
When things aren’t going the way we’d like them to our first instinct is to run and hide, preferably to the nearest dark hole we can find and escape. Sometimes we choose to obsessively think about the problems that face us until we can’t see straight. Yes, there are times when we need to get off the merry-go-round of life and just stop to catch our breath, clear the air, and deal with issues at hand. Other times our best course of action is to be of service to others. Giving ourselves to others not only helps us to gain distance from our own problems but allows us to transform others lives for the better. This creates empowerment and confidence within our world which contributes to finding solutions to our own conflicts. There are two basic human needs being fulfilled: making a difference in the world and being accepted. As a bonus, we also create a connection and bond with others that allows us to feel stronger and more powerful in life.
Helping others creates evidence that we are one and not alone in our quest for support and enlightenment. Even in our darkest hours we can still
contribute to someone else’s struggles and not only make the difference for others but for ourselves as well. It’s a win-win situation and we get to transform who we know ourselves to be.
Make an effort next time you find yourself in a breakdown and fully give of yourself to someone else in need. Notice what happens, what opens up. Notice how your view and perception of life is altered and how you begin to move in a much better direction in your own life.
“We rise by lifting others.”
When we summon up the courage that lives within us and confront the things we want to avoid we then have access to breakthroughs and growth that otherwise would have been impossible.
We’ve all had the experience of taking on something we dread only to discover a sense of accomplishment and empowerment on the other side of completion. We uncover the confidence and strength that was lying dormant within us. We awaken our true spirit and part of the reason we are here. It’s a wonderful opportunity to learn that what we fear is actually nothing to fear at all. Instead we feel free, enlivened and renewed.
If we chose to put something off or avoid it because it scares us or causes us to feel stopped inside it may be because we think that it will cause something to change that we are not ready to experience. This is a false illusion and the way we know this is by the obstacles in life that show up when we choose avoidance. We are off-track but unclear as to why. The fear that stops us is why. The acronym for fear is False Experience Appearing Real. We actually feel lighter and relieved when we complete something we didn’t want to. Alternatively, if we choose to remain in our comfort zone we will take ourselves off our synchronistic path connected to the source of all creation and our lives won’t work as we intend or desire.
In this moment, there is at least one thing we have in our lives that is currently left undone. Making that task top priority and completing before all else (or as soon as possible) will liberate us, invigorate us, and re-create who we identify ourselves to be. We will unleash incredible energy within our lives that will fuel us for our future with confidence!
Author: Sterling Mire
Sometimes we just need time to ourselves to regain a balanced sense of ourselves before continuing on our journey called life.
Most of us feel a little imbalanced from time to time. Times of high stress, living in the big city, can make us feel like we are out of whack. We take care so many people, places, things, work and general life obligations we forget about taking care of ourselves. We’ve been taught taking time out is a luxury versus a necessity although science has proven that if we take more time out to just be we would not only be more productive and effective in life but less stressed. We have to draw a line and say “enough is enough”, stop the merry-go-round of life and get off for a while to reflect, let go, rediscover ourselves, and revive ourselves for our future.
I have found a good way of getting in touch with what I truly need at the moment is I imagine having a magic genie in a bottle and that genie asks, “If you could do or be anywhere on this day what or where would it be?”. Maybe the answer that shows up is laying on the sands of a Caribbean beach, receiving a massage, taking a hike in nature, unplugging for the day and reading a book in a quiet and beautiful place, driving to a place you’ve yet to discover. Let’s say if the answer is the Caribbean but you are living in Los Angeles and you only have a day to yourself then take yourself to the Pacific ocean, perhaps to a stretch of beach you haven’t been to before. If a full-body massage doesn’t fit your budget how about an affordable foot spa or the local nail salon where they offer chair massages? The point is to expand yourself and get in touch with what is missing in your life right now. Balance is key to optimal health.
Ever visited Europe, such as Italy, or any other exotic destination? Have you noticed people seem less stressed? It’s because they are. They work to live, not live to work. Even if you live in the U.S.A. you can still adopt a more European life-style right here, right now. Your happiness, health, quality of living and productivity depends on it! Create a consistency to taking time out for yourself. Imagine taking 1 very special day a week to yourself or a 2-3 day weekend vacation once a month. You can do it on a budget if need be. Out of 31 days in the month, taking 3-5 days for just yourself is very little and will not negatively alter taking care of business on the other days.
The truth is, taking care of ourselves is not actually a luxury, it is a necessity especially if we want to be our best for our work, our lives and others. I hope you’ve gained perspective from my share. Start now. Plan time in your schedule for yourself as soon as possible. If you are crazy busy at the moment, even more reason to do it now versus later.
Questions? Call for a free consultation.
A Year of New Beginnings....
The Numerology of 2017 shows that the year 2017 will bring new beginnings and much activity. The pioneering spirit makes way for new inventions, new discoveries, or new creations. Its energy will bring originality and new ideas. New leaders (committees, chairpersons, etc.), new ideas, or new additions to things done for the surrounding area. Its wide implications could include cities, towns, counties, etc.
Events and opportunities emphasise BEGINNINGS, CHANGE AND PROGRESS, such as:
- Development of new ideas.
- Expanding existing interests.
- Increasing status and/or recognition.
- Meeting new friends or business associates.
- Turning avocation into vocation.
Sometimes, one strong change triggers a sequence of events which forces substantial alterations in almost every facet of the life. In brief, individuality, ambition, initiative, new directions, or adding something new to established enterprises.
Ways to Work It:
- Leadership – that means you and me. People are going to feel embolden to blaze new trails, take the bull by the horns, pioneer in some highly unique and individualized fashion. Don’t be afraid to follow your nose when an idea or ideas “pop” into your head: -)
- Individulization – yep, we’re all going to start honoring who and what we are as individuals and most likely, acting upon those facets of ourselves. We will learn this year to enjoy our uniqueness instead of being with the “herd” mentality. 2017 it is a year of moving off into your own direction, never mind what others are doing: -)
- Self-starter – a lot of things from the left-over 9 year (2016) may not have gotten attended to like you might have wanted. Maybe your dreams, your move, your change of job had to wait and your particular needs were put on the back burner. No more. Not in this year. This is the year to self start, to do things you’ve been wanting to do, but just haven’t gotten out of the gate to do ’em. Now, you will have that opportunity.
- Letting your own star shine – In 2017 is time to quit hiding your light under a bushel basket, as the saying goes. It’s time to embrace who and what you are, your skills, your talents, or your developing skills and talents. This is the year to go learn, get educated, refine your skills and talents. The important thing is to begin the process.
- Confidence in yourself – is going to start welling up from the deepest parts of all of us. The confidence to believe in ourselves, to move on that knowledge and begin to spread our wings so that we can fly where we want to go.
- Ideas – thousands of ’em! – 2017 is a year of ideas, new thought, new perspective or perhaps looking at the same old thing in a new and provocative or fascinating way. Everything is up for change in a 1 year! You thought you had chaos in your life last year? Huh. Wait. This is the year of getting off the starting blocks and beginning to run toward your dream, your vision or goal. Now, the shackles, the delays, are behind us. You have nothing but room to run now–so start planning how you are going to get there. Be prudent, be organized and realistic about this. But, as the ad quotes,: “Just do it!”
Numerology and astrology can be used to study, weigh and reflect upon the past yet it is the now that is ever our concern as the key point between the past and the future and so we return to 2017 as the number on our calendars and hopefully make wise and practical use of the guidance it can offer to us on both individual and collective levels.
For more information about how the energies of 2017 are going to affect you and your life personally, book a session today for a play-by-play of each month in the year of 2017.
We all need a guide. The first thing is to really be ready to be related with the people that you’re there with, and out to cause something extraordinary with people. We can have all the dinners, we can have all the decorations, and gift-giving and receiving but really what’s at the heart of a great holiday, no matter how great the food was, how beautiful the decorations were, what makes or breaks a holiday is the relationships we have with people and whether we enjoy the people or not. So what we really want to focus on is how to really have extraordinary relationships with the people we’re with, whoever we’re spending the holidays with. You may ask yourself, “How do you do that when you don’t even want to go?”
I had that experience myself once at a birthday party. I was invited someplace, rather obligated to go just because of all the different circumstances, a place I really didn’t want to go. Here’s what I resolved for myself. As I was going there, I said, "Okay. You’re going to have a better time than you think you can have," and then I rang the doorbell and walked in the door with that commitment in place, like really, "Okay," and when I walked in the door, just having committed to have a better time that I thought I could have, and I ended up meeting new people that were instrumental to my future! It was great!
I think every time we go someplace, we have a preconceived notion of how good it’s going to be. We have a preconceived notion of how enjoyable it’s going to be. So the first thing would be to just get committed to you’re going have a better time than you think you’re going have, and then walk in the door looking for the opportunity for that. And if you walk in the door looking for the opportunity to have a better time than you think you’re going have, guess what? I think you’ll find a lot of ways to do that.
My clients often ask me what to do when someone says something to you that makes you mad but you don’t want to ruin the holiday for everyone?
There are actually three things you could do but there’s only one of them that really works. One thing you could do is argue, right? You could. Somebody says something that makes you mad, and you just want to – you just can hardly stand it. You just so want to let them know that what they said was wrong. You could come back with your best, best, best answer that really proves how wrong they are, except guess what? You’ll end up in an argument because then they have to defend themselves and then you have to defend yourself, then they have to defend themselves, and we know where that one goes. So that doesn’t work. Another thing people often try is to not say anything, just try to grit your teeth and grin and bear it, but you really are holding onto it and you still let it shape you, like whatever they said really does ruin your day because that’s all you’re thinking about, all you’re stewing about, and even though you’re not responding, it’s totally shaping you. You’re succumbing to it. That doesn’t work, either, because your day’s still ruined.
There’s a third thing you can do, which is – it sounds simple but it really is profound. It’s just to let it go by. Let it go. Sometimes I imagine being a bullfighter where you just – what you don’t do with a bull, you don’t argue with it, right? Yet you don’t lay down and let it run over you. Look at matadors. They are masters at just stepping out of the way and letting things go by. I think sometimes we think we have to deal with everything that people say, but people say things they don’t even mean. People say things that they didn’t intend to be upsetting, and a lot of it, especially around the holidays – I think this is all the time, but especially around the holidays. Let some of it go by. Just let it go by, step out of the way, and then stay right there in the conversation and just committed to what you’re committed to causing in terms of your friendship and your relationship with that person.
Now, if somebody says something that’s really irritating to you and you let it go by, how do you not let that fester? You simply have to relate to it for what it is. It’s just something they said.
One of the things that always makes something worse is not what they say but what we have what they say mean. So there’s a difference between what somebody says and then what it means to us. In other words, the story we make up about what they said or the interpretation we have of what they said and it’s really important to separate those two out. There’s what they said and then there’s what we have it mean. And those are two different things.
I’ll give you an example, if somebody said, for instance, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Suppose there you are, you’ve got the table set, and your mother-in-law says, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," Now, that’s what she said. What somebody could and probably would have that mean is, "She doesn’t respect me, she doesn’t honor that this is my home, she never thinks anything I do is good enough for her son." Right? On and on and on. It could be any of those things. Now, really, though, the statement, "I wouldn’t have set the table this way," is a pretty simple statement that is just a statement about what she would’ve or wouldn’t have done, and if you can keep it for what it is, just a statement, and keep separate everything you had it mean and you’ll notice that all of the upset every bit of the upset is in actually what we have it mean, not what they actually said.
How do you appreciate someone if you’re mad at them? Why should we appreciate someone if you’re mad at them? Why we choose to appreciate someone even if we’re mad at them is because where if we really look at relationships, when we’re satisfied in a relationship is when we love who we’re being.
We put a lot of focus on how the other person is treating us, but you know what? Even if someone’s not treating us well, if we love who we’re being, we’re actually pretty satisfied. The opposite is also true, isn’t it? Which is that if somebody’s being great with us but then we’re pretty cranky with them, then even them being great with us doesn’t make a difference for us because we’re still cranky.
So to really take on, even when you’re, especially when you’re mad at somebody, is to appreciate them and find something to appreciate about them at the very least. it’s really simple. That them being there gives you an opportunity to be somebody, to be somebody you love being, gives you an opportunity to be generous or it gives you an opportunity to be loving. Even the ones that make you the maddest, those are the ones that give you the biggest opportunity to be somebody really great.
If we really study relationships, one of the things you notice is that the whole point of other people like the opportunity of people, of being with people, is that without them there, we don’t get to be somebody, and the quality of our life comes from who we get to be with people. So it’s right there, so why appreciate somebody you’re mad at is because you’ll end up being really happy with yourself and therefore even happy with them through your own empowerment about who you are choosing to be within the circumstance.
Last week I had a client say to me, "My husband’s so controlling, how can I have a happy holiday if he tries to control everything?"
There are two things here. If you know that about your husband, if you know, from holidays from the past, one of the things that really works is to, ahead of holidays, ask him everything that he wants so that you actually know what he wants and he has some – he gets to say what’s important to him before the holidays ever get there so that he already knows you’re committed that he gets what he wants and then at the holiday itself, I kind of always have a theory called ride the horse the way the horse is going. The more you would fight it or the more you would resist, probably the more controlling he’s going to try to be because he’s going to be fighting back then. If you really just keep looking for it, there’s something that’s important to him, something. People only try to be controlling because there’s something important to them, and if you can just listen for and try to hear what’s really important to him and then make sure he gets it or make sure that he knows that you’re committed that he gets it, then guess what happens? He starts paying attention to what’s important to you and that you get that as well.
Two things, again. One is, if at all possible, before the holidays ever happen, sit down, talk about what’s going to be important to each other at the holidays and what’s going be important to your husband so that he knows that he knows in advance that you’re out to make sure he gets a really great holiday that he wants. Then when the holiday’s happening itself, just keep trying to hear, when he’s being controlling, what is important to him and how can I make sure he knows that I’m committed that he gets that, and then I promise, it really is amazing how much then the other person starts wanting to make sure you get what you want, too.
Here’s another question I’ve been asked, "My mother-in-law doesn’t make me feel welcome. I don’t want to go. How do I survive that?"
One of the things there, I think is that I wouldn’t take it personally. If the mother-in-law’s not making you feel welcome, I bet, I really would bet a lot of money, that the mother-in-law’s concerned about something you don’t even know she’s concerned about. For instance, it may have nothing to do with you. Maybe she’s concerned about how her house looks or maybe she’s concerned about how her food is or maybe she’s concerned about how she and her husband are getting along in front of you. There’s a whole number of things. Maybe your mother-in-law’s concerned about getting older. There’s a whole number of things that she could be concerned about, and when people are concerned about something, they often don’t – aren’t able to make another person feel welcome around them. One of the first things I do is to not take it personal and would, again, just have some compassion that probably that person is concerned about something and give they’re concerned about it, they’re not having an easy time being with you. The more you can just be at ease with them and make it safe for them to be with you, then the more they’ll be able to be at ease with you, and guess what? Then you’ll have the experience of being welcomed.
I think we often underestimate the power of listening. Listening to people. When you really listen to people, they get really – they’re just grateful for it. A lot of times we think what’s important is what we say to other people. I’ve found that that is very important, what we say is very important and we want to make sure that what we say really is always empowering of others. On the other side of it, there’s listening to people and really listening to somebody. I’ve always found people, I know for myself, if somebody really listens to me, I’m always grateful afterward.
Sometimes, especially if somebody’s not making you feel welcome, there’s something that they want to say or there’s something that they’ve got to say that if you could just listen to, they would be grateful that you’re there, and then, again, you’d have the experience of being really welcomed.
No matter what they’re talking about, because sometimes they talk about something that doesn’t seem important or they can be talking about the weather or sometimes they’re upset and their visibly upset. Whatever is going on right there, if they’re talking about the weather, listen to that. If they’re talking about how the dinner’s going, listen to that. If they’re talking about something they’re upset about, listen to that. When I say listen, I really do mean give them your attention so that they know, and maybe even ask them questions, but even if it’s something, they just make a comment about the weather, just acknowledge that you heard them.
People also really appreciate being acknowledged for the “good” that they are. Acknowledging people for their better attributes or way of being in life actually helps them to connect to that side of themselves in the present moment and that paves a way for them to move forward in extraordinary ways allowing you to have an extraordinary and memorable experience and holiday with them.
For those of you who have experienced a number of breakdowns, changes and losses this year this is an opportunity to understand what’s going on. Most, if not all of us, need to pay attention to this learning opportunity given to us in this year of 2016. If we choose to not take up on what’s being offered we will be experiencing the same things over and over again until we get it. This means the pain and suffering will also continue. No one wants pain and suffering so let’s hop aboard and receive the lesson we are to learn if we want to evolve and embrace all the truly wonderful things in life that we truly want to experience!
The 9 Year Cycle
- the end of an era -
going back to claim your future
What we call the beginning is often the end.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.
The 9 year cycle brings you to the end of a complete nine-year cycle of your life. It is a year to complete unfinished business, reach conclusions and tie up loose ends. These actions will help you step into the next nine years of your life without the pressure of unresolved matters of the past pulling you back.
As one door closes another opens, but if you refuse to accept that certain doors really have closed, you will be unable to recognize the new possibilities. It is time to face the absolute reality of your past - and how it is impacting your present, and then decide how you want to create your future. Your reality is not just a matter of where you stand today or where you want to be tomorrow. It is made up of everything that has ever happened to you, everyone you have ever met, anything you have ever done, and any feeling you have ever felt - or denied.
Where you stand today is the result of where you have been. But before you can progress, you must release yourself emotionally, mentally, or physically, from those aspects which no longer serve a purpose and are chaining you to a point in time that no longer exists. It is time to integrate your past with the present, so that the potential of your future can be seen and felt. This is achieved by accepting the past exactly as it was and by feeling everything about it that you have been unable to feel.
A significant transformation is likely this year - alterations and improvements to all areas of your life, even though you may not immediately see the positive merits of certain situations. When the old buried emotion that is weighing you down is released, life suddenly becomes a lighter experience and is more easily understood and enjoyed. If you feel a sense of numbness or stagnation, it is because you are so close to accepting your full reality but are holding the emotions involved in, instead of expressing them out. This magnetic pressure prevents forward movement and draws you to a repeat of the very situations you would prefer to avoid. We have all been conditioned to believe that emotional expression denotes weakness and is “negative”. In fact, emotional expression is our strength, our own self-healing mechanism, our only means of freedom, and the ultimate tool of creativity.
People who refuse to accept the past spend their lives rehashing the same old situations, making the same old mistakes, unable to accept new realities, and dissatisfied with everything. They justify their unsatisfactory existence by blaming others, blaming time, blaming life itself and blaming themselves.
Some people claim to be apart from or above the journey humanity is taking, all the time resenting that they are too afraid to be a part of it. And, because none of us has truly evolved into Free Will yet, we are all affected by these misunderstandings.
This year, it is not enough to simply have an intellectual understanding of Free Will. You will learn that your feelings are your only means of activating personal freedom. This year of endings and conclusions offers you the chance to free yourself of the erroneous beliefs that have always caused unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and stagnation. The 9 year cycle teaches you how to break free from the past by releasing your grip on it. Without this understanding, you will forever be a victim of something that once happened to you. It is time to heal.
Nothing new happens in the 9 year cycle until the necessary endings take place. The more you strive to begin something new without first releasing the old, the more resistance life will give you. If you do not make an effort to accept your emotional realities, you may find that your history will repeat itself in the next nine years.
This is a year to go back over your life’s continuous journey and consider everything that happened to you. There will be things you don’t want to remember; memories you may be blocking from your consciousness. These are the very events and situations that need to be addressed. These are the heavy loads that are weighing on you like an anchor, preventing you from moving forward into the kind of life you desire. The more genuine intent you have to allow forgotten memories to resurface, the easier it will become to accept 9’s healing process.
It is the sheer weight of past and present emotion that causes depression, even though we try to fool ourselves into believing that depression can be avoided by avoiding these emotions. This pretense creates deeper denial and, eventually, deeper depression. If you find yourself dwelling on certain emotions such as anger, fear, or grief to the extent that you cannot live constructively, there is a good chance you are using these emotions as an excuse for continuing to deny another emotion which is even more deeply buried. Denial is no longer an option on this Earth. It is denial that has caused many of the dire problems that humanity faces today. This applies as much to your personal life as it does to life in general.
Being afraid to feel your feelings is a natural response. The only way to deal with this fear is to understand that fear, like all other feelings, must be allowed to follow its own evolutionary process. It must be allowed to move. When you cling to fear you are refusing to accept its ability to help you. And, by stopping its movement you, in turn, become paralyzed by it. Feel your fear, accept its presence. Allow it to move through you and out of you. This process develops courage, and the ability to recognize those things which really do need to be feared, and those which need not be feared at all. Your feelings are your senses and instincts, all of which are vital to your survival.
Be honest with yourself. Mere positive thinking can do more harm than good if you are not simultaneously feeling that way. Your thoughts and feelings are two very different energies and must be experienced separately so that you can tell them apart. And when your masculine thoughts and feminine feelings make peace and join forces, your personal power to survive and prosper increases significantly, and your entire being evolves.
The 9 vibration takes you in what seems like the wrong direction - backwards - but this is the direction you must take in order to find the unfinished issues which are preventing you from going forward. It is natural for the 9 year cycle to be an emotional one. Not only will you be dealing with emotions from the past, but also with new emotional situations in the present which, in effect, help trigger the old feelings which need to be released.
This year’s circumstances may be reenactments of the past, in different forms, representing the consequences of certain actions, inaction, beliefs, and attitudes. You cannot live fully in the present if part of you is stuck in the past. Therefore, you will want to go back and retrieve those parts of yourself that are stuck there.
Generosity and compassion play important roles now. Through a greater depth of feeling in yourself, you will become more sympathetic to other people’s realities and more aware of how you, and they, are compounding certain problems by denying the feelings involved. You will also become aware of the difference between compassion and guilt.
If you are reluctantly involved in something, guilt may have convinced you that it’s the right thing to do. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. But the only way to be sure is by letting your true feelings guide you. It is in the 9 year that we realize the extent to which guilt has kept us from achieving happiness and how much we have denied guilt by reversing it into blame.
In the 9 year, unhappy memories arise so they can be healed, creating more inner space for happiness to resurface. Inaccurate beliefs are replaced by new truths and potentials. As you accept what has happened to you, you develop a clearer picture of what you want to happen. The old you becomes the present you, and your Will - your desire - determines the future you. Not all endings have unhappy emotions attached. Some situations will be concluded, bringing you much relief. Don’t assume the worst. Accept that your past is the ground you had to cover in order to get to where you want to be. Your understanding of this will make your 9 year one of the most exhilarating and dynamic journeys you will ever travel.
It appears that people can make us feel a range of emotions; happy, sad, angry, frustrated, euphoric, disappointed, depressed and the list goes on. The truth is this is an illusion. We live in a society that has convinced us that happiness lies outside of us, within our environment and through the things we accumulate. Here is a perfect example of how we have learned this way of understanding life’s happiness. A mother sees her young child crying. The mother enthusiastically offers the child a cookie. The child then seeing his/her mother smiling (happy) makes the association with the cookie as an object that possesses happiness. We could take it a bit further and look at how the cookie has an effect on the child’s brain reinforcing the idea of where happiness lies. Let’s look at the effect of the sugar in the cookie. Sugar is known to light up the reward pathways and cause a surge of feel-good hormones, like dopamine, to be released. As a result, we feel good and “happy”. The child easily confuses the cookie, or any other thing the child learns to associate with happiness, as where happiness lies.
People’s Energy DOES Have an Effect On Us
True. We are all energy. We transmit energy. We receive energy. Yet, energy changes all the time so if someone’s happy and we feel the effects of it we begin to associate thatthat is where happiness lies. We begin to confuse, once again, where happiness lives. “That person makes me happy!” or “That person makes me upset”. It may not be that we consciously want to blame or hold someone accountable for our state of being. It could be that we simply are confused as to where happiness truly is.
Taking responsibility for how we feel is one of the most valuable lessons we can learn in life. Choosing how we feel is a conscious action. We must be fully aware to make this choice. Noticing how we feel is the first step. To choose how we want to feel in a way that is authentic and actually works is to first allow what is so to be. To simply allow it to exist. Allowing is not agreeing. Allowing is allowing. Once we allow what is, then we can make a conscious choice to choose how we want to feel. Once you choose an empowering emotion, take a moment to connect to what that feels like. Experience it fully. Maybe think of a happy memory and relive it. Embrace the feeling and let it wash over you and sink in. Then proceed with your life. It is quite simple but where people go wrong in choosing their emotions is leaving out the acceptance, allowing something to be as it is. What is surprising is that whatever undesirable emotion was being experienced will simply take care of itself and disappear.
Happiness is our birthright. Happiness is a skill. Like all skills, it must be practiced. When you have true happiness within, you are totally fulfilled and the things you engage in are not perceived as a pathway to lead you to happiness but an adventure you can embrace fearlessly with joy and out of the sheer excitement of being alive!
To discover more about happiness, I recommend a current documentary on NetFlix simply titled: “Happiness”. Filmmaker Roko Belic travels to more than a dozen countries, searching for the meaning of happiness.
Sterling is a celebrated professional life coach and a nationally published author. She works with clients all over the world. Her practice is located in Beverly Hills. For more information, please visit: www.intuitivelifebysterling.com www.getyourlifenow.com
the state of being happy.
"she struggled to find happiness in her life"
euphoria, transports of delight;
"trying to rediscover the happiness we once knew"
1. Take time out on a daily basis and simply get present to what you are grateful for. Gratitude brings more things to be grateful about. Even being grateful for it all brings the desirable things that you want! For example: If you feel you are in a dead end job that you want to change, be grateful for the job you have. Expressing gratitude has a magical way of bringing more reasons to be grateful in your future.
2. Smile. Smile at the people you interact with. Smile when you talk on the phone (people do pick up on it). Smile when you exercise. Smile when you are driving in traffic. Smile when you are alone at home. The simple act of smiling can transform any ordinary day into an extraordinary day!
3. Acknowledge people. Acknowledge the cashier. Acknowledge your loved ones. Acknowledge yourself. Acknowledgement brings people closer, creates a space for new possibilities and highlights what is working facilitating more stuff that we want that works!
4. Take time out to commune with nature. Nature has healing energy, energy we call negative ions. This energy tends to diminish the inauthenticity’s that we pick up from living in the modern world leaving us feeling refreshed, peaceful and with a perspective that is rooted in liberating truth.
5. Don’t forget about you! In this day and age we are multi-tasking, trying to find ways of getting more done faster and better. We are taking care of others but are we taking care of ourselves? Set aside time each week that is just for you. Do something at least three times a week that is just for you and keep it sacred. That means no interruptions. It’s time to stop the world and focus on you and your needs and wants. It doesn’t have to take much time just as long as it’s something that you relish and cherish.
6. Eat well and I don’t mean like a sumo wrestler! Eat healthy foods that not only make you feel good, alive and vital but make you proud of your choice. Healthy foods don’t have to take time or cost a lot of money. Take a few minutes out to look up healthy and easy recipes online. Even try a few days of eating vegan http://www.chooseveg.com/vegan-on-a-budget-17-easy-affordable-recipes-2 All it takes is looking at the alternatives out there and changing your point of view. It’s easier than you think!
7. Give up negative self-talk. When we criticize ourselves we lose power. The very power that leads us to better solutions and better choices for our future. No need to be in denial about something that is not working, but recognize it for just that – something that isn’t working and look for alternatives. Drop judgments about yourself and others and you will see new openings for action and possibilities that didn’t exist before. Funny how that works!
8. Romance the day! Yes, fall in love with the day. Notice the sun, the clouds, the birds singing, notice the flowers that you pass by or the cute little perky doggies that pass by wagging their tails with excitement for the day. Let it touch you, move you, inspire you! Find the beauty anywhere and everywhere and your creative side will thrive!
9. Let the news snooze. Getting your daily dose of the news distorts your view of the outer world and creates anxiety, depression in your inner world. The media gets paid to shock and rock your senses putting stress in your life about things you can not do anything about. If you want to know what’s going on in the world subscribe to the online site http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/ about the good news in the world. That’s the kind of news that can make a happy difference in your life!
10. Spend more time with family and friends face to face. Turn the electronic world off and really be with people. Engage in conversations and really listen to what others have to say. Share your feelings and thoughts and open yourself up. Express your appreciation, respect and love. You may just find yourself in one of the happiest places on earth!
My Amazing and extraordinary ART OF MANIFESTATION client, Sofia just booked an ABC pilot, "Chunk and Bean"! She produced, wrote and starred in her own web series last year, got it picked up, produced a new iteration of it #BreakUpBreakDown! She's powerful and created a life of success, happiness and fulfillment. Also, did I mention she met the man of her dreams and is recently engaged? I love you, Sofia Marie Gonzalez and so proud of you!!
You are having it all and having a ball! Dreams can come true!
#sofialand #intuitivelifebysterling #lifecoach
Turning Fantasy Into Reality – Top 25 Tips for a Successful Relationship
“Relationships are hard.” A common cliché’ that is actually untrue – if you know how to build a solid foundation for your relationships. This goes for ALL relationships. Finding somebody you want to spend time with can be difficult enough, but once that happens, you’ve got to deal with the task of maintenance: keeping things fresh, finding time for each other, and generally just coming up ways to navigate the tricky ups and downs every partnership faces.
Lucky for you, I’ve come up with 25 relationship tips—some big, some small—that’ll improve any partnership.
1. Listen. It might sound obvious, but when you really allow yourself to listen—and ask questions about—what your partner says, it not only leads to better conversations, but also better communication.
2. Take a few days apart. Missing each other is a great way to reconnect. Try grabbing some girlfriends for an overnight or a weekend getaway every few months.
3. Find a support team. Have a handful of great friends or family members you can call so your significant other doesn’t have to hear every small grievance going on your life.
4. Put away your phones. One of the biggest relationship tips is to give your undivided attention when your partner is speaking. It’s is one of the most important things you can do.
5. Volunteer together. Giving back is a great way to keep perspective of how great your relationship is, and how lucky you both are.
6. Create a checklist. Jot down new and fun things you want to accomplish for a day as a duo.
7. Talk to couples over 65 years old. Get relationship tips from them, and see what you can take away to apply to your relationship.
8. Stop and appreciate all that your relationship is this very second. Stop living for what it can be. This person is choosing to be in your life every day, not every day in the future.
9. Revisit the questions you asked in the beginning. What are you hoping to accomplish in the next year? What are you scared of? These answers change, so we need to keep asking these questions.
10. Find 10 things you really love about them and tell them. Guys need confidence boosters, too!
11. Stop nagging. Seriously, stop. Take a step back and figure out the big things about your partner that truly bother you, and approach them from a place of concern and support instead of nitpicking for sport. That’ll get you nowhere.
12. Get over needing to be right. Learning to say “I was wrong” is a skill worth learning.
13. Take care of yourself. No relationship can be successful if you don’t feel good about yourself, both inside and out.
14. Know what you need and then ask for it. You’re dating a human, not a magical psychic.
15. Take a class. It’s proven that couples who learn together connect deeper. Find some common ground (cooking? art? science?) and go from there.
16. Stop complicating things that aren’t complicated enough. Don’t pull a Carrie Bradshaw during the Aiden years: If you bemoan the fact that your relationship is going too well, you might need to revisit why you’re constantly seeking out drama.
17. Assume that if something was said that hurt your feelings, it wasn’t intended that way. Why would they want to upset you or hurt you? Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, but if it’s really bothering you, don’t be afraid to bring it up.
18. Write notes. Whether you have study hall together or live together, handwritten notes are personal touches in today’s highly digital world.
19. Pitch in. Help each other with chores and other necessary, if banal, activities — cooking, cleaning, re-organizing, etc. Not doing them if you live together can create tension, and always doing them can create unfair expectations. Act as team of equals.
20. Disconnect. Step away from the laptop during quality time. Everything on the Internet will still be there later.
21. Allow things to be what they are. Sometimes bad days and bad moods happen. Don’t go crazy trying to make everything better. Just be supportive and loving, because just being there at the end of a bad day can make it better for both of you.
22. Create mini-traditions. Creating small rituals can really help hold up a couple because they become “your thing.” Whether it’s a fancy night out during the holiday season, or watching a certain show every week, these are things that’ll give you both something to look forward to, and it’ll bring you closer together.
23. Be an open book. They can either deal with it or they can’t, but if you can’t be your most honest self with this person, it’ll come out eventually.
24. Compliment, and often. You’re there to make each other feel like your best selves, so let the genuine praise flow freely. Like his outfit? Tell him! Like her hair today? Let her know!
25. Make promises that you really can keep. Say things that you want to follow through with out loud. It’ll make you work harder to make them happen. Having—and setting—levels of reasonable expectations for your relationship is a healthy way to keep it strong.
Now that you have some good pointers, get moving in the right direction, the direction of experiencing the most powerful thing in life - LOVE!
2016 is a year of completion, rest and forgiveness. Phew! Everything in numerology goes in a 9 year cycle, so we’ve come full circle since the last 9 year, 2016.
The Number 9 is about endings. But with endings come new beginnings. 2016 is a very karmic year. It is a time that we will receive the karma from the good or the bad we have done. It is likely we see will more break-ups and deaths. Endings that have been on their way to manifesting to completion. Relationships, jobs, people that have been working its way towards the end for a little or long while. It’s out with the old and in with the new! It is the cycle of life.
From a personal standpoint, you could be "cleaning house" yourself this year. Each of us will probably have an ending of some sort to deal with this year. Now that may be a good thing or bad things, depending on your perception.
2016 may also have to do a lot with the karma you’ve laid surrounding the situation too. So you want to look at 2016 as year of completion. What you have started in the year of 2007 will probably come full circle now. Did you begin a relationship that year? Perhaps you started work for a new company? Maybe you went back to school part-time and are just now finishing your degree.
I also look at this Nine Cycle as a chance to go back over the past and revisit the things you would like or need to re-do. For some of you, that may mean a second chance in a relationship.
I expect a lot of spiritual growth this year under the influence of the Number 9 year. There will be more and more people looking to a higher power for knowledge, direction and wisdom. This new year will move quickly by so if you are one of those folks who have a lot to let go of, you’ll be able to sooner than later.
Try hard not to hold on too tightly to things you really need to release because then the energy and the force of the Number Nine may not be pleasant to deal with. Learn to let go and let be. It’ll be much easier and you will be glad you did. Many will feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted off their shoulders!
We all can see there is a lot of work for humanity needed, with more than 1 million people homeless in the great wealthy USA, and more and more this number includes single women with children and families with children, most of whom maintain a job but are unable to afford the obscenely high rents being charged everywhere.
In the personal arena 2016 marks a time to finish projects, to decide about the next cycle of endeavor to begin in 2017, a year of beginnings, as it resonates to the number 1.
While personally you may be experiencing a different Personal Year Number, universally you can look forward this year starting busy, but tapering off to have a very quiet second half. Remember, your key words are completion, rest and forgiveness. So whatever your resolutions are for 2016, take it easy on yourself: forget about dropping a few stray pounds and think about dropping that grudge you’ve been carrying around- you’ll feel so much lighter.
Ways to Work It:
• Learn to meditate or practice deep breathing.
• Declutter! Throw away old papers or clothes you haven’t worn in more than 2 years.
• Redecorate your room or home.
• Make amends: forgive a foe, write an apology letter to anyone you’ve done wrong.
• Start a journal and record your dreams when you wake up.
• Treat yourself to a spa, massage or regular mani-pedis.
• Pining for an ex? Say goodbye (truly) and heal your heart.
• Finish your dissertation, painting, attic clean out or any lingering project you’ve been putting off forever.
• Learn how to enjoy solitude; master the art of being contentedly alone.
Embrace the qualities of the number 9 and you will experience the successes of:
* idealism (in its highest form)
* light-bearer or giver of wisdom and inspiration
Resist them and experience the disempowering qualities which are:
* personal loss
* emotional extremes
* having to let go of that which is cherished
This year we will be making a clearing that will help nurture the seeds of tomorrow - 2017.
It's a beautiful process as long as we understand it, respect it, and embrace it versus resist the season we are globally in.